Unfortunately I Saw Them

The subtitle for this one should have been the subtitle for the second one, but whatever.

Three younger would be Horsemen do a trick and attract the attention of the older Horsemen, whereby they are all gathered together to take down on Veronika Vanderberg, diamond owner and all around bad person. Surely everything will go their way, and if it doesn't, they'll just make you think that was their plan all along.

Okay, now this movie series has always had various set pieces, but this movie felt worse in that everything was set pieces, strung together with barely even an illusion (sic) of plot. They go to a Chateau and do some stuff because... they happen to go to the Chateau and do some stuff. There's tricks at a car expo because... that's where they happen to be. There is no particular reason to link any of this together other than the writers were "hey, what if we did some snazzy thing over in this place?"

The original horsemen are back... the actual original horsemen, led by Jesse "Can he ever not play an asshole?" Eisenberg. The newcomers aren't terrible, and hey, Justice Smith is doing stuff. Rosamund Pike is Veronika, and her accent coach isn't being paid enough. And there are other cameos from previous actors who couldn't be bothered to be in this movie properly, but there's always hope for the sequel (because of course there can be a sequel).

The effects are... snazzy, as I said, and definitely the sort of thing magicians could pull off, and not CGI or post-production effects. If you've seen the previous movies, it's more of the same.

I caught this on VOD, and not at all sad I didn't see it in the theatre.

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Soli-ticked off!

There are two word games I play on my phone all the time, many years now. And so when one advertised another game, I thought I'd at least check it out.

Wordscapes Solitaire is a game where you have letters (represented as cards) and as you use them more cards/letters are revealed, so you need to spell things to get points. There are coins and words and all sorts of things to collect. So far, decent enough.

However, as you might guess, there are ads. But not to worry, you can pay to disable them. You pay $20 to switch them off. For 30 days. ... Ain't no game gonna be that worth it, and this is a puzzle word app!

And it plays ads during the game, fine, annoying, but something that happens... expect when the ad has played, interacting with the screen in any way takes you to the store for what the ad is selling... which means you can't switch the screen off to go back to the game! I had to kill the app so I could restart it so I could continue playing.

When it happened for a second time... that's when I hit uninstall.

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Reveail

Not sure why I picked this up, but I played Reveil.

You are Walter, with a wife and a kid who work with you in the circus. However, there are some strange things up with your relationship, and what happened to them anyway? And was it really your fault?

This game does start with the basic ideas of "troubled family man" and what gets revealed about him isn't that surprising considering this is a horror game. However, there is a reason as to why he did the things he did... the problem is, the explanation has nothing to do with the themes of the game presented so far, so it is less a hard swerve and more jumping to another game entirely. And the explanation undercuts any sense of "why is this?" that the first part generates.

I don't mind "walking simulator" games, heck I even like Dear Esther, but... this was just a heck of a walking simulator that a lot of time passed with nothing happening other than "hey, here was something we designed for you to walk through". There are there sections where you have to actively game (ie avoid an enemy) but they weren't a lot of fun because it wasn't clearly explained what it was I was trying to do.

And during the puzzle segments... dead gods. I don't know if this was supposed to be Controller first, but mouse and keyboard sucked, especially when it came to turning things. Mouse and turning does not work well, and it was always an effort to get through.

I played the game once through, then again with a walkthrough to get all the collectibles and such. One cheevo left, which I could get, but I don't care to. There are some extra features, but I'm not sure how to access them, so I'm not going to count them.

As I said, not sure why I got this, but I have now played it. Can't recommend you do the same.

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The Damm

Even in war, you gonna film.

Ukrainian soldiers are out doing their thing, when they encounter a Soviet bunker. Heading in, they find that there are some secret experiments have been happening, and what the Soviets are up to... well, the zombies they encounter are only the start.

Okay, to be honest, this isn't high art or anything. But hey, there's something about this that kept me watching. This is decent enough made, and I've seen a lot of would be student films and this is far above those. The effects are... there are one or two creatures that don't quite work, but on the whole everything is good enough, especially considering, as I said, there was a war going on.

The main actors, from a quick peek, seem to have lots of other films under their belts, and they definitely don't come across as amateurs.

This has room for a sequel... and, as long as I remember, I'll be on the look out for that!

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A House of Dynamics

This was a very tense movie, and not one to watch right before going to bed!

This is slightly future America in which the world has gotten rid of most of their nuclear arsenal, but... there is an incoming missile. They aren't sure where from, but they have to respond. The movie is in three sections, following different groups (with lots of cross over) as they react to the missile, the people trying to shoot it down, the government trying to work out what to do, and the president working out what to do after. Freaking heck, it does not give easy answers.

This is directed by Kathryn Bigelow and written by Noah Oppenheim, and released, for some reason, on Netflix. Hopefully their new acquisition will help them realise the potential of putting movies on the big screen, because being trapped in an enclosed space, not being able to scroll your phone, will enhance the heck out of this!

It's a pretty stacked cast too, Rebecca Ferguson, Jared Harris, Anthony Ramos... Idris Elba! Fine acting all around, even from smaller roles. And everything has a wonderful dynamic pace because Kathryn Bigelow knows what the hell she is doing.

If you like anything towards "political" or "thriller", definitely check this out!

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It Endeth

Liminal horror? I'll give it a go.

A group of friends are driving to ... can't remember, doesn't matter. They drive down a tree lined road and... keep driving down the road. They didn't miss a turn off, but they aren't getting anywhere. They do try going back (which makes them more intelligent than some "this place is weird" movies), but hit a dead end... and then get attacked by people. They drive off, but the road goes on... and on... and on... they don't tire, don't get hungry, the car doesn't run out of fuel... it can't go on forever... can it?

This story has potential. You've got a weirdness of the setting (the road is curved and surrounded by woods, so you can't see into the distance, just a limited sense in front and back), and, even better... you've got four people stuck together. This is a gold mine for setting up people to have a conflict and have to work it out, with tension and release and... nothing! This movie has nothing like that! The worse they get is like "ooh, he once did a weird thing back in school". That's nothing! The real conflict is the audience putting up with them!

This is a small cast, not terrible, just needed a better script. I can't imagine how much footage the production got of them just driving back and forth in the one stretch of road they found they liked at all times of the day and night.

However, the director had definite ideas in mind when it came to sound decision trying to be surreal, and some choppy editing, but that was more annoying that helpful. More ideas about style than substance.

For a better take on space being infinite, go watch El incidente.

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Mon Fonds Tope

I didn't have high hopes for this (heck, it's less than 90 minutes), but something grabbed me and...

Lucas Page "finds" a mysterious tape, and that leads him down a rabbit hole, blaming other people in his small town. But there is something actually happening, making him and other town people lose consciousness. Fortunately his sister isn't affected, and so she helps him track down a stranger. And then things get stranger indeed.

This does feature a Reverend, but it isn't about the church, so I'm not going to dive too far into that (other than the access it gives him). But once people are set up, it's all about some weird creatures that are not explained at all, but then they don't really need to be (if you've seen enough creature features you can buy what's going on). However, what the Stranger gets up to is a step weirder than that, and I think the writers/directors had definite answers in mind, but we only get vague hints.

I can't say I know the actors from anything, but this isn't exactly showing a huge budget... but neither does it need to be. It leans into a cheap "found footage" side and "hey that camera is convenient" (with some explanation for that), and it fine within that setting.

I wasn't expecting much, so am pleasantly surprised that it was better than that!

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立方体 is Japanese for Cube

There's a fourth Cube movie? I never knew that! ... oh, it's a Japanese remake!

Several people find themselves in a cube of a room, with hatches on each of the six walls. They climb through several, finding some way to detect traps, and eventually find a way out... but finding there is a way out is different to actually getting out, and that's not what's on everyone's mind.

This is a very faithful remake, with minor changes to some traps, but still some very same beats. The characters get a little rearranged from the original, but still the same ideas. However, one character has definite Main Character Syndrome, and we get flashbacks, and he gets the arc of the movie.

I have no idea if they keep the prison naming scheme, and the ending is... a bit odd. I was initially against it, but then they did another scene and then "oh, okay then!".

Other than being over twenty years later with updated technology for effects, I can't say this is remake you need to see.

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Bug on ya

I can't say I recognise "this is a Yorgos Lanthimos movie", but ... this is definitely a movie that may as well be Yorgos Lanthimos.

Teddy and Don have a plan: kidnap an Andromedan and get them to start talks to get off the earth. So simple, what could go wrong? It's not like humans ever went wrong about things.

So this is mainly a two-hander, with some three-handed-ness. It's definitely Jesse Plemons and Emma Stone "talk for the movie" as the movie goes through different acts and different dynamics. Aidan Delbis is also there for a lot of it.

It's definitely weird. At times, I was "why isn't this an A24 movie?" and "did David Lynch do a pass on this?" but I guess that's what it means to be a Yorgos Lanthimos movie. Certainly he's decided to get Emma Stone on board with weird performances, so that's a pairing that might see more work.

Odd, and yet compelling.

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Woke Up Dodmon!

I wasn't sure I was going to be able to, but I saw this at the cinema!

It's a Church Parrish and it's Easter, so it's time for death... whoops! We are with a Father as he joins the new area, but has conflict with the current Monseigneur and several of the flock. Events call in one Benoit Blanc, but isn't mercy more important than finding the guilty?

Rian Johnson isn't shy about taking potshots at the church, but also he presents what the church wants to be, so while there is murder and deceit, it's not the end of everything that the church could be. (I'll grant it, even if I'm also a heretic.)

As ever, we get a hell of a cast, with lots of names I.. well, sort of recognised, if I couldn't quite place it. (And one or two people that we could do without.) I really hope Daniel Craig was wearing a wig, because that hair was awful.

I have no doubt I missed small things that will pick up once this hits Netflix, but I definitely got the big unsubtle things. And also guessed several plot points before they were revealed... but not everything.

While I'm glad I saw this on the big screen, it doesn't need to be, so if you missed it there, pick it up in a few days when it hits online.

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