Last Conjuration

I kept thinking the subtitle was "Final Rites" and kept thinking that was stupid. Turns out, that was stupid, because that isn't the subtitle!

The Smarls are a family, eight of them, living in one house, when a dark spirit enters via a mirror. A mirror, as it happens, that has a connection to the Warrens. So who is the demon really after?

I vaguely recall the Smarls, but can't recall any specifics. Not that it matters, because the Warrens simply got story rights to whatever events happened and then got ghost writers to write it up and add in whatever random spooky stuff they could come up with. Charlatans supreme.

Aside from that, this movie takes a long time to get going. Compare the first movie in which we are "bam, ghosts, Warrens!", to this in which it is over an hour before the Warrens are even aware of the problem! The focus here in on their daughter, Judy, and how Judy sees bad things so Lorraine taught her to keep those bad things out... and already I could tell "hey you know what sticking your head in the sand leads to? Being overwhelmed when the bad things actually come for you!" and I was right, that was one of the lessons of the movie!

The acting is fine. The ghosts are... just people in makeup. Someone in white makeup smiling is scary? I'd say someone is channeling their clown fear here. There are a few jump scares, but the movie doesn't lean on that, but rather more slow building atmosphere that doesn't at all get undercut when the CGI effects take over (note: they totally do).

This is the last one? We can only hope so. The Warrens may have brought prominence to the paranormal (and there were plenty of others doing that at the time), but Lorraine is as much a medium as I am a small...

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We-a-poos

From the creator of Barbarian? This is SO MUCH BETTER!!!

There's an incident in the night: kids so missing. Is it the teacher's fault? The parents certainly think so. Certain people can't let it go, and so end up finding out, which is always a good thing.

I went into this not having even seen the trailer, so I'll say no more.

Although we get the inciting incident straight away, it takes a while to get going, and the movie slowly amps up the "weirdness" moments. The big revelation is some what let down by "oh, is that all it is?" but this is still very well done and keeps up the interest all the way through.

Good performances all around, and the kids are... they are fine. There's a lot of Naruto Running, so we know something weird is going on, but Amy Madigan gets the bulk of carrying the back of the movie. Josh Brolin isn't bad, but mainly is in "upset dad" mode, not showing a large range of performances here. There is some gore moments, but mainly it's tension and build up.

So much better than Barbarian, I might even be interested in his next movie!

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2nd Nobuddy

I can't remember the first one, although I did see it. Is that good or bad? Anyway, here's another!

Nobody wants to go on vacation with his family... (um, I seem to have forgotten his name already... Hutch?), but being him he sees things that upset him and soon he gets involved with a big criminal gang... syndicate?... bunch of bad guys? Betting them up from the low end up until it all comes together at the amusement park, which is of course amus(ement)ing!

This is fun, yep, but... it's also a parody of the style of the One Man Army. I vaguely recall the first one was as well, but this definitely is. It tries to play serious, but not that hard. I'm glad it doesn't go hard into comedy, but it definitely has tongue in cheek and pretending to be more.

Bob Odenkirk is fine, although I'm sure even he would agree that camera movies and choreography does a lot of work in showing him off. Connie Nielsen gets a little more to do, but is an obvious next step for her. And is that Christopher Lloyd? It is! And damn but Colin Hanks looks so much like his father. And Sharon Stone is in this? This is quite the cast.

But it isn't really much of a movie beyond mildly entertaining for 90 minutes.

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Thurksay Murker Club

What a star studded cast... what a waste...

In a cosy mystery, a group of old pensioners live at a retirement home, looking at cold cases. When the owner dies, leaving it to his son that wants to turn it in luxury flats, they get involved and start uncovering a real mystery.

Check out these names: Helen Mirren, Pierce Brosnan, Ben Kingsley, Daniel Mays, Jonathan Pryce, David Tennant, Richard E. Grant... if there isn't a famous face on screen, give it five minutes and there you go. All fine performances, with Pierce the closest to going ham, but all of them doing solid work but nothing outstanding.

Because there isn't anything amazing about this. The story is pretty straight forward, the twists and turns are about standard for the fare (no, I didn't guess any, but I wasn't surprised by any either). And lookee here, the director is one Chris Columbus. That explains a lot really.

I'm glad this is on Netflix, as I don't want anyone spending money to see this in a theatre. I can only hope that, like other Netflix adaptations, the books are far better...

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Nekkid Goon

From the people behind The Lonely Island comes... an updated comedy movie!

Frank Drebin Jr is a cop, a cop in the Police Squad. After foiling a bank robbery, he's put onto a car crash, but soon finds his way into the dealing of an evil tech billionaire (because are there any other kind?). Together with the sister of the crash victim, he will do what he needs to to get the job done, no matter how many people get hurt along the way.

Was this funny? Yes. Was this better than the previous movies? Definitely. But was this actually any good? There's a word that comes to mind that I need to look up the spelling of: Milquetoast. While there are the jokes, they are the most obvious boring level jokes you would expect to never offend anyone. It is possible to actually have jokes with bite that don't make you wince, but they didn't even try. If you've seen the trailer, you've seen the best parts.

But at least they play it straight. Liam Neeson is straightlaced the whole time, and Pamela Anderson ain't cracking smiles with her goofs. Danny Huston is suitably chewing the scenery without going overboard. And Kevin Durand is just having fun.

It's well executed and all, but it doesn't kick as hard as it could.

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Nude Weapon

There are some movies and some... uh... choices were made.

1: Hey, we got a budget so let's go large! Is this considered a classic now? Certainly there are lots of moments and lots of jokes and... a big negative I will get back to. And OJ. Getting beaten up, but still. Yeah, moving on from that. Drebin just casually falls into the answers and.. where's the shoeshine guy? He was a great bit! Indeed, there are many bits missing, and no freeze frame, sad.

2.5: Storywise, I like this one more than the others. And it's still topical, because we still refuse to switch to reusable energy. Oh, the hilarity! Robert Goulet can be an evil guy any time, and Richard Griffiths is a treasure. 

3.33: Oh, oh dear. They are reaching with this movie, and it's not good. Extended sequences that weren't funny the first time and then continued far too much. There are a ton of cameos, but that whole sequence (the awards) is basically an excuse for cameos, and not to progress the story. And then casual transphobia, so get fucked.

There is one big problem with all these movies. It goes hard on slapstick, and gives up on the word play, which is bad enough, but... they acknowledge the jokes! So often we get a reaction shot from Leslie Nielson going "huh, that was weird" and no! Do not acknowledge it! Treat it seriously! Acknowledging just undercuts everything and makes the audience go "oh yeah, we are watching a stupid movie" rather than buying into the reality we are trying to enjoy. Complete failure.

Now that modern times made it better?

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From the files...

It's in colour... it's Police Squad! Featuring Leslie Nielson and Alan North.

Following in the tradition of police investigation shows came Police Squad!, which lampooned the hell out of them. While only six episodes, each episode is tightly packed with jokes and motifs that would be familiar to any police show follower.

But what really stands out is, they fully commit to the bit. The actors aren't mugging the camera, they aren't pausing to sell a joke, they just commit 100% to playing it fully seriously, and let the humour express itself. Which isn't to say it's all straight laced, plenty of word play and background bits, but they aren't cracking up over their own gags.

And the ending freeze frame... just... m'wah! More shows should have done this!

But, just six shows, why couldn't we get more? At least....

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