The Truth Behind... Hats!

As we all know, tin-foil hats are a necessity in any conspiracy-buster's toolkit. The Faraday Cage effect is a required impediment to the waves being broadcast into us from every GOVERNMENTAL (*) AGENCY out to control you. Don't believe me??? Try going outside on a clear day, and stand there without your hat on. Feel warmer? That's the government's control rays COOKING YOUR BRAIN AND BODY! Get your hat on and get it on quick!

(*) Notice that you can't spell 'governmental' without 'mental'? The truth is in the word itself!!

But wait! Is that what they really want you to do after all? There was a study done by MIT (so you know you can trust them...OR CAN YOU!?!) that investigated the properties of different tin-foil hats. They found that although “all helmets attenuate invasive radio frequencies…certain frequencies are in fact greatly amplified.” The government WANTS YOU to wear these hats so they can CONTROL YOU better!

So now we know!

Or do we? Was this study commissioned by the government itself? IS THIS AN ELABORATE BLUFF?? Do they want us to stop wearing hats just to get at us even faster!?!?!

Instead, we suggest acquiring one Conspriacy II beanie instead. We guarantee no tin-foil components so your mind will be all the more protected, and the logo has the added benefit of informing all around you that YOU ARE ON TO THEM! Don't give in to their evil schemes! Stick it to them with one of our non-patented beanies! (Non-patented because you know the patent office passes the real ideas onto BIG BUSINESS who can put the ideas into production before you can see one five ten cents (*) of payment, and then claim the patent themselves!)

(*) The Reserve Bank has its own scheme that will be unveiled!

And we promise the beanies will not enable us to locate you wherever you are, and amplify our own mind-control rays. Honest. Scout's Honour. Would we lie to you...?