Tuesday, 23 December 2014

Paranothing Island

Okay, going in, I knew I wasn't in for a treat, but as you may have noticed on this blog I watch a lot of bad movies. And this one is no exception.

Back in 1927, there was this made island that was just a large area for two pubs and lots of docking area in the swamp land. A floating bar, if you will. In a beat, one owner lost, and killed himself... and thus, the legend of The Caretaker was born??? Current day, young punks come to the island to be bartenders and prove there's no paranormal going on (despite that you can't prove a negative), and get stuck there after dark. And then weird things happen. By which, I mean faint outlines of CGI people, and bar stools being knocked over. Somehow, this is terrifying, and they barely get away with their lives... no wait, this is a horror movie, so they don't, but more people did live than I was expecting.

This features a lot of people who, I'm guessing, agreed to appear for minimum wage? The budget presumably went on Lance Henriksen, who is in this movie because... I don't know why. And the villain was played by The Sam Raimi, because that was cheaper than actual effects. Much like how the darkness was achieved by blinding amount of moonlight.

A movie that feels built around "hey, we found this neat location they'll let us shoot at" rather than an actual story worth telling.


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