Monday, 20 April 2015

That 7 Samurai Movie in Space You Remember

Oh, I remember this. Been a while since I saw this. But I do remember Richard Taylor’s facial mark… you can never forget that. Don't forget to find out what Peter and Al remember.

The planet Akira (I think) is under attack from Sardine (I'm not good with names), but Sardor gives them a week to give up. Instead, the planet with no space capabilities happens to have a ship, and launches Chad out to get some help. After being forced to have sex with a mad scientist’s daughter, at the scientist’s insistence (okay, they don’t actually have sex, but it’s still with Dad insisting), they stumble across a number of weird beings and ships. And they all conveniently decide they are willing to help Chad without much pay. Because for the lulz, basically. Going back to Akira, they destroy the one patrol ship (which had kidnapped and raped a woman, who then does her best to help them get killed), then there’s a battle. Some of them die, there’s a moment’s pause for philosophical ponderings before they are back in battle and the rest of them die. Except the two leads, of course. Happy ending!

The cast of this is amazing. Richard Taylor's birthmark. John Saxon's smirk. Sybil Danning's breasts (seriously, whoever costumed this was instructed to put those mammaries on display). And Robert Vaughn’s stoney expression. And lots of space ships. And sound effects from Battlestar Galactica.

And yes, let’s not dance about it. Another way to write the summary of this is “guy goes out, gets the Seven Samurai, and then they die in glorious battle”. It’s decently told and the characters have arcs, albeit not detailed ones. The plot becomes extremely convenient, and then it’s just a checklist for who dies. Aside from the visuals, there really isn’t much reason to watch it.



evildicemonkey said...

If you haven't already you should take a look at "The Magnificent Seven" for another remake, this time with Cowboys! (and Robert Vaughn in a very similar role)

evildicemonkey said...

Also, read the alternate version bit on IMDb for more on those 2 huge parts