Archi Pelago

I've been distracted by gaming recently. Not just any gaming, but asynchronous gaming where my keys are in another castle... in fact, in another game entirely. 

Archipelago is a thing where a group of people play a group of games, and the items are mixed between them. So when I open a chest, I might get a boost for someone else, or unlock their map, or anything. And they'll find things for me.

(In some ways, this is like a randomiser, where it's randomised across games, not just within games... oh, and this is an easy way of doing randomised run games anyway.)

While there is an "official" list of games, there are a lot more games that you can tweak and do this with.

I played Portal 2 and A Short Hike, and "checks" are when I open a chest, help someone, complete a map. Portal 2 keeps the maps within each chapter but shuffles them around within the chapter, you need other people to unlock items like buttons and the portal gun itself. A Short Hike just mixes up everything, and most of the items I need are with other people, including those vital feathers. Archi is supposed to arrange things so that an item you need isn't locked away behind something that unlocks via that item, but...

I spent a lot of time at "Burger King". Early on, one person couldn't do anything, so went and got BK.. and still couldn't do anything they got back, so getting blocked became "BK"d. And with so many games and so many checks, many of us ended up BK at some point or another.

It was a lot of fun, but... there is a danger of obsessively wanting things getting unlocked, and bugging others to unlock things for you, so there is mental health to watch out for.

Still... what else is on the list I can play...? 

[END]

Read more!

Nermal

The title is just too easy to pun on. 

Ulysses is just an interim sheriff, not wanting to do too much, just chill in a quiet town. It's a quiet place, not much happening. Except a bank robbery. Which not so much goes sideways as does a complete spin in multiple directions and then pear, apple, banana, and pineapple shaped.

This is "dark comedy" in that it is actually funny at times, although at the expense of, usually, people dying. Bob Odenkirk isn't playing a complete bad-ass this time, but is still skilled enough to take on many people (with guns) and come out on top. The plot goes a little odd in places. I like the twist at around 30 minutes... but not a fan of the ending. Too much "eh, let's just get over it" to be realistic. 

Nice cameos, or at least short presences, of Henry Winkler and Lena Headey. But this movie isn't afraid of suddenly writing characters out. The action sequences are fine, although the film is very grey due to the snow and everyone dressing in very dull colours.

Better in concept that execution. 

[END]

Read more!

Hopeu

South Korea do great monster movies.

A mutilated cow leads to a hunt for some creature that could do it, that then leads into a chase through town against a monster. However, that is just the first part of the movie. Then the second part kicks in, and there are wider things going on. (And by the ending, we realise we've been following the wrong characters in the movie all along - there is clearly meant to be more movies after this.)

This is a comedy, in that it has comedic elements, that, however, fit badly. There is a lot of tense build up (and a lot of "don't see the monster" to begin with), and a lot of action, and the comedic elements really drop in like a stone dropped into soup. I can see what they wanted, but the tone switches too badly.

I missed seeing this in the theaters because it was screening late, and it is a long movie (over 2 1/2 hours). It could be shorter as there are some repeated sequences in there of "group of people find creature, they are killed, and then the next group find the creature". And the CGI creatures do feel a little unfinished (it was originally screened in an unfinished form, with better effects to come... these don't feel that finished).

On the whole, a good movie, that could be tightened up a little. And needs a sequel or two. 

[END]

Read more!

Hey Buuuuuuuddy

I love Buddy, he loves me! 

Buddy is a wonderful magical unicorn, with kids that love to sing and hug. Just as long as you do what he says, everything is great. Ignore that the children are getting killed off, and disappearing from the world. Just love Buddy... you better!

I did know some of this movie going in, which might have tainted this a bit, but... this felt very one note. Get the idea of an evil Barney? Got it? GOT IT?? Well, that's all there is. Taking kids through the television reminded me of an episode of Angel... and the whole thing reminded me of Mr Crocket.

By premise, there are kid actors, but they aren't terrible. On the adult side, we get Cristin Milioti as a one-note mother, and for example Patton Oswalt as a voice, and of course Keegan-Michael Kay as (at least the voice) of Buddy.

I've seen this done better. I prefer the more surreal nature of DHMIS.

[END]

Read more!

Infarmiry

Debut feature film? Yep, feels like it. 

A new guy is on security detail at an abandoned mental hospital, and everything goes swimmingly.

As Found Footage this is fine, with also some body cams to break it up. However, there is also a lot of "we are going to spend time wandering long hallways with nothing happening" to also break up the moments of nothing else happening. Because not a lot does happen. Which is getting towards being atmospheric, which I like, but also the rare jump scares aren't really that scary, and you expect what is coming.

This feels a lot like "hey, we found this place, let's film something here" which does explain a lot. The filmmakers have a few ideas, but otherwise "this space is neat, actors, do some stuff". The overall plot (such as there is) is about five minutes, with the rest of time just being creepy.

As a first film, fine, there is some potential here, but definitely want to see some improvement for a next piece.

[END]

Read more!

Matchabox

Wow, even I can tell this is an extreme second monitor movie.

Sean is now a spy and he and his childhood friends are caught up in a bomb mission and...

Nothing that happens in this movie is worth a damn. There is one "original" twist (which I won't give away here), but then they hammer that point home so hard it's not a twist but it is repeated for those who weren't paying attention the first time. Lots of car chases and John Cena getting into fights and explosions... just like Matchbox!

As you expect, the link to the product is really slim. The childhood friends play with them for like a minute, and we see some tiny cars at two other moments, but otherwise it has no relevance what so ever. I will check the trivia after this, and if I find out "this was a generic movie they slapped the Matchbox label on" I will die from non-surprise.

It's fine, the acting is fine (definitely not great), the action is fine, the story is... not fine, but I doubt people are watching this for a heartfelt drama. Watch it if you will, but set expectations appropriately. 

[END]

Read more!

ACME? Coyote?

ACME and Coyote, together at last! 

Wile E. has had enough of problems with ACME and gets himself a lawyer to put things to right. And he has a lot of problems... but he doesn't have a good lawyer. Kevin Avery goes for the settle, but Wile E. won't accept that, and together (unwillingly) they take on the good name of ACME... and damn if this whole thing isn't heart warming!

I haven't seen Space Jam, so Roger Rabbit was my go-to for human/cartoon interaction, and this is extremely well done as that was. Okay, it's not 100% perfect, but everything fits so well that I just breezed over any interaction problems. My main issue (of course I have one) is that this movie is a tad on the longer side for what we are getting. 100 minutes this doesn't need to be.

Will Forte is great as Avery, and John Cena plays well with his own image as Buddy Crane. Others are decent, and always up for a Luis Guzmán cameo. And Wile E. Coyote playing himself, as does the Road Runner, are complete classics.

So yes, this is a film to watch! 

[END]

Read more!

Mootiny

Wow, now that's a generic movie!

Jason Statham has a boss that gets killed, and so he goes on a killing spree as a one man army. Okay, that sounds... like any of his movies, but this one is on a boat! And he has a female partner who was a member of the crew, but, unlike all the men, isn't evil! Woooo!

This really isn't winning any awards for innovation. The only reason I'm writing about it is because I watched it and didn't have anything else going on. Aside from Jason, we have some other actors who... I haven't seen elsewhere, so as part of a group of actors they got wholesale? Although there is Adrian Lester, who's scenes feel like they were all filmed in one day on one set.

As an entry in the Statham-kicks-ass series, this is... certainly an entry and is 95 minutes. 

[END]

Read more!

Teenage and Sex and Death

In many ways this is not a subtle movie... although some parts are probably too subtle for me.

Kris is a new director and brought into resurrect the Camp Miasma slasher movie series. For inspiration, she heads out to where it was films and hooks up with the original final girl Billy. But in order to really understand the movie, to become one with what is happening, they need to give themselves over to the Little Death.

Yeah, Little Death. As I said, this isn't subtle. This movie is more than a little about sex, with the penetrating staff delivering lots of splatter. As Billy says "flesh and fluid".

But as it is somewhat meta... I'm not totally vibing with it. "We're meta because we can be" is not necessarily a great reason to be meta. This is about what a slasher movie series is these days, and about recapturing the sense of sex they represented, and the queerness of following the leading girl, even with the male gaze... no doubt many people will unpack this way better than I can.

Hannah Einbinder is fine as Kris, and Gillian Anderson as Billy is... I can't really tell is she wants to be in this movie or not. I assume so because she is in this movie, but she comes across quite distant. There are quite a few cameos of other famous faces, which is cool. And the whole effects are fine, if not quite believable for representing cinema at the time.

For those that are the target audience, this's gonna go down well.

[END]

Read more!

Ôdishon

People talk about it, but how many have seen it? I is now one! 

A widower decides to get back into the dating game, and his friend decides "hey, that's a great excuse for a movie" and so they audition a group of young women to be in the movie. But he is already taken with one woman and wants to know more about her. She's got a dark past, and slowly her issues come to light and she takes down others with her.

This is a definite slow burn. From the nature of the movie, we get the sense that something is off about her, but I didn't guess the whole back story. People mention that Miike gets quite shocking, but if so, this is very restrained (until the last part of the movie).

I recognise Ryô Ishibashi (being a fan of the Grudge movies), but not anyone else. The acting is all fine, and Eihi Shiina is suitable creepy.

I don't see this as the start of a Miike retrospective, but I will try to remember to catch some more of his at some point. 

[END]

Read more!

Maaaydaaay

It's Ryan Reynolds acting as Ryan Reynolds... I know that doesn't narrow it down. 

It's the cold war, and Ryan Reynolds (he has a character name, but it's just him) is a pilot that ends up shot down in Russia and teams up with Kenneth Branagh (who also has a character name, but whatever). Together they pair up to get Ryan back to the USA, and have to deal with a KGB agent who is very driven to catch them.

It's a buddy comedy, where it's relaxed and fun as they get through Russian military, huzzah! It is a very light movie, and it's going to be superdisposable, and I won't be surprised that I forget this movie before I even hit Publish.

There are some interesting directorial shots, where the camera is placed in unusual locations and follows the action in odd ways. And the action itself lends more to Jackie Chan antics than the usual fighting style. (Somehow Kenneth is more kung fu master than old man.)

And in conclusion.. what was I watching again? 

[END]

Read more!

Huo zhe yan

Ah, a "Somewhere In East Asia" film! Classic genre!

A daughter gets kidnapped, and her father immediately goes into fight mode to beat up people, but initially fails. And the cops are useless. Tracking down one person, he teams up with someone else who is looking for his journalist wife, and the two of them start tearing through gangs to get to the kids. And then we are about halfway through the movie, so need more fights!

Lots of great fight choreograph here, quick jabs and punches, some little prop work, but a lot of just moving around the area, nicely done. I don't know who the main actors are, so don't know if it is a big deal that they are together, but it's all good. (Although I did recognise Yayan Ruhian... (although not to the extent of knowing his name, just that I went "hey, I recognise that guy!"))

People compare this to The Raid and I can see that... might have to go back and rewatch that some time... Want a full on action piece? This works! 

[END]

Read more!

LEOPARDS!

I saw some Leopards! Indeed, I had a Close Encounter with some Snow Leopards! Pictures and Videos!

[END]

Read more!

Have Luck, Good Fun!

Oh, it was a Gore Verbinsky movie! 

A man comes from the future to try to save it by gathering a group of people to slow it (it's gonna happen) from happening in such a bad way. And then we follow them, with some flashbacks to see how some of them got to be the way they are.

And it is fun! However, it is not a subtle movie. It has an anti-technology bent and isn't shy about it. And I saw the twists miles before they were twisted. Which doesn't stop it being fun, but does take some of the air out of its wind.

Sam Rockwell is great, even in a plastic trenchcoat. We also get people I recognise such as Zazie Beetz,  Michael Pena, and Asim Chaudhry, and one I don't, Haley Lu Richardson, who seems to have a successful career too. The effects are decent enough, and work fine as it's not trying to take itself too seriously.

Enjoyable movie, but I don't see my coming back to it. 

[END]

Read more!

Gekijōban Zero

Movie based on the video game? What I recall about Fatal Frame is that it involves taking photos, ghosts, and either a curse or a cult. So what have we here?

At an all girls boarding school, run by nuns, young girls are falling in love (infatuation?) with one particular student, and then they come under a curse that only girls affect (the translation of the subs are slightly bad, it's clearly supposed to be a curse only affecting girls). And then they die. Another student is drawn into this, and her and the one they are all in love with uncover that there is more going on, and really, it is the adults who are the real monsters.

So... what does this have to do with the video game? Killing ghosts via camera? Nope. Running around some old houses? Nope. But apparently there was a novel based on the game, and this is the movie of that novel. Okay then.

As the perspective shifts around a lot, I did have trouble tracking who was whom, doing what, but about halfway it settles down into a main protagonist to follow. However the solution does come a lot out of nowhere, with exposition at the end to explain it all.

I can't say I recommend this film, even aside from it being in a video game universe. 

[END]

Read more!

Lee's Cronin's Muu-mee

It might be from Lee Cronin, but I'm not sure about the Mummy aspect... 

Katie is abducted from her family while in Egypt, then turns up eight years later. Completely driven by guilt and grief, her parents decide that the best idea is to take care of her themselves, despite this being a patently stupid thing to do (like, I get how the doctor might recommend that them being around is a good idea, but ... no, they clearly need medical support). It turns out that she's a demon possessed child who is really enjoying herself by possessing and tormenting others, so the only course of action is revenge from everyone involved.

How is this a mummy? Yes we technically have that the kid was wrapped in bandages, but... she is just a possessed child, there are a billion movies of those, this isn't that special. We are lucky in that we don't get an exorcism scene, but it's not like the mummy isn't easily handled when people know what they are doing. Bring back Arnold Vasloo's arse!

Acting wise... no-one really seems to know what they are doing, either in character or out. And it's just as well the kid playing Katie is possessed, because her playing Katie the kid isn't at all believable. The effects are mostly fine, with there being a LOT of fluid work to handle the grossness.

People have said that this is not great, but it's not until you see it for yourself that you see how not great it is. (For example, here's Amanda the Jedi's review.)

[END]

Read more!

He's the Scratchman

From what I recall, back in the Tom Baker days they wanted to do a movie, and while one version involved Krittekmen, another one was a darker take. That didn't happen, but eventually this book did.

The Doctor is telling a tale to the Time Lords (similar to the book set of The Massacre) where he is being judged for an adventure. This one involves him, Harry and Sarah going to an island where people are being turned into Scarecrows... and then they go to Hell. Actual Hell. Well, one inspiration of Actual Hell, seen over by the Devil, also known as the Scratchman. And he wants to know the Doctor's fear. In any way possible.

This is written by Tom Baker, and also narrated by him. It's a weird mix of first person and third person omniscience (excused by the TARDIS recording things), and it's a rather rum collection of scenes where wackiness happens because... because wackiness happens. The initial adventure on the island is somewhat straightforward, but once they go to Hell it gets extremely random, justified by Scratchman doing random things. A great excuse for Tom Baker to just go nuts with ideas?

And he certainly enjoys narrating it. He goes full ham in many places, and I doubt the book (which I have, but haven't checked) quite goes into him breaking out laughing in various places. He's just having fun and doesn't care who knows it.

There's a surprising amount of continuity in this, with references to other Doctors. That said... I'm not exactly sure when this story takes place, as that combination of characters didn't really have opportunity for this adventure, especially with references they make. Ah well, such is the nature of stories.

Odd, and yet, glad I finally got around to it! 

[END]

Read more!

Doeth Not Entereth

One of them thriller/horrors that starts well, but goes downhill. 

An urban explorer group are trying to get big on Insta, so decide to head into a spooky abandoned hotel (which is still rather well standing, given it is surrounded by water). However, as they poke around there are two problems: one is another urbex team that are here for the money, and the other is a pale creature that is killing them. Guess which one is worse?

So it does start well. Good atmosphere, builds up with creepiness, and the other team help raise the stakes... but then we get in to the last part of the movie and it is just "creepy human monster" that scampers around and nothing much interesting is done with it. There are minor attempts at character arcs, but they range from "actually gets closure" to "why was that done?" to "oh, that was easily undone".

The creature effect is fine, the rats are CGI, and the hotel is clearly a set, but it's an indie movie, so you get what you get. The acting is also fine, although the movie is really dark which made it hard to tell who was whomst at times.

This was based on a book, and I hope that was a lot better, 'cos this movie is very worth the 4/10 it has on IMDB. 

[END]

Read more!

Oakly Streely Ended

Yeah, I can see why everyone is saying this is Spielbergian. 

Denise Platt is part of a family that is fracturing, so it would be nice if something could happen to bring them together. Fortunately, her whole suburb is isekai'd back into the past, and now there are dinosaurs and running!

Okay, I have a lot of technical questions. First, they acknowledge the lack of electricity and water... but don't mention anything about the toilets, or showers, eww.... Second, the dinosaurs (and there is a large mix of dinosaurs that did not occur at the same time - at best it could be handwaved by 'everyone was transported in time' but...) are furry, they should be feathery. And they don't do what they did in that one photo (I will leave that as vague). And then there is the ending, but I can't get into that here.

But hey, it's not really about the dinosaurs, it's about Family! (Because every movie is about Family.) Denise and Greg are low key fighting, Audrey and Brian are seeing this and getting upset, but they all have to come together, so boy howdy you know that's coming. Indeed, there isn't a lot that happens that isn't surprising, although there is definitely some things I will give the movie credit for doing that I didn't foresee. On the other hand, along with the toilet situation, it's fortunate that only about ten people were in the entire suburb when it got transported back otherwise there would be a lot more people trying to deal with everything.

Anne Hathaway is doing well, turning up as she is in everything, and it's largely because of her that this script became a movie. Ewen McGregor is there, and I'm not sure if he was trying to do an accent or what. The "kids" are fine. And hey, P. J. Byrne is there! The dinosaurs are decent, although see above for various issue I have with them.

Now, for no reason, I need to go buy Froot Loops...

[END]

Read more!

TTTTToy Storyyyyy

Once more unto the breach.

The story of this movie is... very disjointed. In one plot Bonnie gets an electronic device and is sucked into trying to be popular with her friends who also have electronic devices. In another plot Jessie and Bullseye are trying to get Bonnie a friend and end up in Jessie's old house. Then there's another plot where Buzz is wanting to propose to Jessie and teams up with Woody to track her down. And then... there's a whole other plot with a lot of Buzzes trying to ... find something to complete themselves?

Continuing the mix up, we start with technology bad (kids are playing on it, and although sitting with other kids, and just on their devices all the time), but then technology is good and connects people to eventually play together with toys and not devices all the time. What? Pick a lane!

School of Movies does a good break down on all of this.

The cast is fine, although obviously sound older (for those members who are still alive). But the look of the movie comes across as generically Pixar/Toy Story that there's nothing really special about it. This is the fifth of a franchise that has definitely run its course.

[END]

Read more!