Thursday, 6 June 2013

1e 33rie

This is a terrible movie, and Canada should be ashamed of producing it.

So, I'm going to give away what's happening here, but it makes no sense (unlike all those other stupid movies I've reviewed). The setup up is, at least, decent enough and a chance from the usual 'stupid teenagers stop on a highway' premise. In this case, a forensics professor brings some students out to 13 Eerie State Penitentiary, where he's set up some bodies out in the grounds to be a practical field test. The students split into three teams of two and then... things get weird. Another body turns up... and then moves off. One of the female students goes to examine this, runs away when chased, and gets caught in dead tree branches... or something silly, and gets bitten by, well... let's just say a zombie. However...

Back in the day, this was a place for death row inmates. Or maybe lifers. The movie uses the two terms interchangeably. They were experimented on, either with or resulting in, or accidentally producing (again, not clear) a black goo that eats through plastic coated walkie talkie radios, but not plastic containers. The experiments were to produce people fueled by raged (and I mean people as there are male and female prisoners here). Anyhoo, the prison was packed up and left abandoned and some of these experiments were... left? It seems some years have passed, and now, because of the presence of these people, the corpses come back to life? or something? and chased down and consume the peoples... who then turn into these zombies themselves...?

I have to say, if I was fueled by rage, I wouldn't want to eat people, I'd just want to hit them. And how have they survived this long? And after have internal organs consumed, how can they come back? And be able to rip open floors from underneath? Yeah, zombies don't make sense, but these make even less sense.

Michael 'Shanksy' Shanks is slumming it in this movie as the professor. Katharine Isabelle plays Megan, who, in a startling breakout female role, doesn't immediately go to pieces when she sees her friends have become zombies, but immediately starts trying to (re)kill them! And... the rest of the cast are a blur of interchangeable white guys.

Stupid wannabe zombie movie, doesn't make sense while you are watching it, and that's a terrible thing for a movie to fail at.


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