Friday, 16 May 2014


But no, because they are Americans, it's -Teen. Just like in the upcoming TV series, which is why I decided to rewatch the movie.

An Englishman American called Constantine is moping about, being all emo about how he can see devils and angels, and he's going to die soon and go to hell. Boo hoo. But then a woman comes into his life whom he decides to protect because he's actually the hero, then all his friends die and he's a total prick to get what he wants...

Which does make it like Hellblazer in many ways. I haven't read a lot of those stories, but I did read the smoking one that feeds into part of this... and I have to say I like how the movie does it, a lot simpler than the long drawn out comic is. However, the main plot with the Spear of McGuffin (which is largely irrelevant) is rather overdone pants and typical for "let's make the movie about saving the world". Fine, John did do that, but he also dealt with more interesting personal stories. The producers probably also went big so they could have a lot of flashy effects to make people go 'wow'. Or rather... 'woah'...

Because, yes, let's talk about Keanu Reeves. Who does smoke in this, unlike what'll happen in the TV series. He gets the emo side of John down, but not really anything else. Rachel Weisz should have gotten a better agent than deal with this script. And Shia LaBeouf is in this Shia LaBeoufing all over the place, so that's not good either. And least Tilda Swinton and Peter Stomare are having fun with their parts.

Not a great Constantine movie, possibly relies a little too much on knowing the comics as well as spitting all over them. Could be a better paranormal movie as well... but then could easily have been a lot worse.


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