Wednesday 11 February 2015

Tooxin

Oi, I knew this wasn't going to be a great movie going in, but I wasn't prepared for the scale of the not badness. This is nearly one of those movies were the worst thing about it is its blandness, but this manages to stay on the crap side of that to avoid that mistake.

We start off with shady scientists with military helpers setting up a new virus. And then they unleash it on an unsuspecting old woman. Fortunately, a group of young white people (and their black friend... go on, guess who dies first) comes to the house, and they proceed to die one by one... but not without cringe inducing heartfelt goodbye speeches that would make soap operas proud. Handily, the main hero is a soldier back from service with mild levels of PTSD, so he goes nuts on the military peoples and goes after the scientists, because if there's one thing we need it's another generic white dude hero.

Yeah, this movie is rubbish, no three ways about it. But that's not the amazing part, because there is an amazing part. I knew this was going to suck, and suck it did. What I didn't expect was Danny Glover, Vinnie Jones and Jude Ciccolella... who are in this movie. Why? What hold did Jason Dudek have over them? Hopefully, they were in this purely because they had a gap in their schedules and just didn't have anything better to do, and thought no-one would see this movie... and I can understand that last part.

So no, don't see this. It spends a lot of time going nowhere, with stars that shouldn't be in it, and I can't even tell if the end is a win or not. Not worth anyone's time.

[END]

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