Bug on ya

I can't say I recognise "this is a Yorgos Lanthimos movie", but ... this is definitely a movie that may as well be Yorgos Lanthimos.

Teddy and Don have a plan: kidnap an Andromedan and get them to start talks to get off the earth. So simple, what could go wrong? It's not like humans ever went wrong about things.

So this is mainly a two-hander, with some three-handed-ness. It's definitely Jesse Plemons and Emma Stone "talk for the movie" as the movie goes through different acts and different dynamics. Aidan Delbis is also there for a lot of it.

It's definitely weird. At times, I was "why isn't this an A24 movie?" and "did David Lynch do a pass on this?" but I guess that's what it means to be a Yorgos Lanthimos movie. Certainly he's decided to get Emma Stone on board with weird performances, so that's a pairing that might see more work.

Odd, and yet compelling.

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Woke Up Dodmon!

I wasn't sure I was going to be able to, but I saw this at the cinema!

It's a Church Parrish and it's Easter, so it's time for death... whoops! We are with a Father as he joins the new area, but has conflict with the current Monseigneur and several of the flock. Events call in one Benoit Blanc, but isn't mercy more important than finding the guilty?

Rian Johnson isn't shy about taking potshots at the church, but also he presents what the church wants to be, so while there is murder and deceit, it's not the end of everything that the church could be. (I'll grant it, even if I'm also a heretic.)

As ever, we get a hell of a cast, with lots of names I.. well, sort of recognised, if I couldn't quite place it. (And one or two people that we could do without.) I really hope Daniel Craig was wearing a wig, because that hair was awful.

I have no doubt I missed small things that will pick up once this hits Netflix, but I definitely got the big unsubtle things. And also guessed several plot points before they were revealed... but not everything.

While I'm glad I saw this on the big screen, it doesn't need to be, so if you missed it there, pick it up in a few days when it hits online.

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Shellby Orks

Why am I watching this? It wasn't until the end credits started rolling that I realised, oh this is a youtuber movie!

A group of youtube paranormal investigators goes missing, and the sister of the lead wants to find her. When a chap turns up, claiming to be involved, she gets more clues that leads her into investigating her sisters last movements. She finds something out, but something has found her.

So... this isn't really anything special. You can tell the beats before they happen, and the movie ends with over ten minutes of credits, a lot of which are kickstarter backers, because this is kickstartered! (Not by me.) And that youtuber who is behind this is... Chris Struckman... whom I recognise, but I can't name his channel at the moment.

There are some notable actors in here, with Keith David getting a brief cameo, and Michael Beach getting some actual scenes. The movie switches from being "documentary" into being a more standard movie, and there are sudden moments of budget with drone shots and not terrible creatures.

It's a mix of a movie that could have used another pass to smooth things over. It's fine as a first pic.

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Puzzle Mechanic - NO!

There's a puzzle mechanic in a point and click game I've seen twice now in two recent games, and no sir, I don't like it.

Behold this image:

(Image from this video.)

The part of the puzzle you are dealing with is in the green box. The other knight (and sometimes spears) come at you, either high, middle, or low, and you need to block appropriately.

How do you block? By the buttons in the red box. How do you press the buttons? By mousing over and clicking.

This wouldn't be so bad if you could actually press buttons on your keyboard, but nope, you need to move the cursor. And you aren't looking where the cursor is, because you are reacting to what is happening on the right.

If I had dedicated buttons, or is what just one option (for high or low, click or hold to change) then fine, I could concentrate on the green. But when I have to make sure I don't overshoot moving to the other button in time, sod off!

(It can become a long memory sequence of "high, middle, low, low, high,..." etc, but it's a long sequence, and I can't remember that long.)

Don't make this a new trend in puzzles, games!

[END]

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Labirent

Turkish thriller of a race to stop a terrorist attack.

Fikret is the leading officer who is trying to stop the attack, but he has a past of failing an operation before. He's still maintaining professionalism, running assets, and hunting down leads. He and his team manage to capture a few places as the movie goes on, but they are definitely barely keeping on top of things. Some luck, some planning... and some getting betrayed gets in the way of trying to stop the final attack.

To be honest, a lot of this is pretty standard fare. We get some good example of agents in the field, keeping an eye on things, and tracking people through the street, but there's nothing particularly notable about this attack that makes this movie stand out in that regard. There are some more personal touches with the lead agents and some of the people they deal with, which is probably what kept me watching more than "going into a room and grabbing people" (which happens a few times).

Decent enough, but nothing amazing.

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Prelands: Baddator

Sure, I could start watching Desert Bus, but there's a movie to watch!

Dek (I kept wanting to call him Derek... hi Derek!) is a Yautja who has to prove himself, so clearly the thing to do is to go after the creature that can't be killed. Makes sense to me! While there, he finds Weyland-Yutani is already there and littering the place with synthetics, so he has to pick up after them. After several encounters, we get the real final boss... Capitalism!

Dimitrius Schuster-Koloamatangi gets a lot of acting to do with facial prosthetics, but does damn well. Elle Fanning get her own challenge with causing special effects nightmares with her legs. And the monkey from Lost in Space also gets a new role!

There is a lot of action in this (duh!) with most of it as learning for Dek to employ later. There are also comedy beats, so there is release as well as tension.

Enjoyable movie, good continuation of the Predator franchise.

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Kifn

No. that's the actual name, not a misspelling of knife or anything. This is a Kurdish horror movie.

Strange things are afoot for Pari, so she looks into her history in the form of video tapes. Video tapes and horror, that's a good mix. Weird things are a happenin', and eventually not just to her (disbelieving husband, ha!). She gets help from an old woman, and she is helped... and we find out that the woman was helping her husband first. Unfortunately, it's not that easy, as there's an actual curse involved, and we turn from Paranormal Activity to Exorcist.

From what I'm reading this is a) the first Kurdish horror movie, and b) "just" a rehash of Turkish horror movies. I definitely can't say this is feeling original, but it's nice to see non English horror movies with non-English folk lore causing problems. (There might be some parts that those in the know go "oh yeah, it's a one of them" but aside from naming movies similar to above, it's original enough to me.)

While not amazing, it's a good first try.

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Knowing Last Summer

It's not a remake or a reimagining, it's just another sequel.

A group of young adults are a bit reckless last summer, and now that is coming back to bite them.. by first killing off people who are not them, so good aiming on that killer! When the actual friends start dying, you know you are halfway through the movie, and then it's a matter of surviving to unmask the killer, who is...

Actually, I did work it out before the reveal. To be honest, when this movie came out I saw others talking about, so there is a small chance I remembered, but on the other hand it is heavily signposted and if you take any moment to think about it, you can work it out too.

The problem with the premise of the series is that it starts with a group of young people doing something stupid, and getting punished for it... but the fact that they did something stupid (and it was quite stupid here) means that you aren't necessarily invested in caring about them, which leads to not caring if they actually survive or not. Certainly the main "hot" girl was extensively vain, making me wonder if the movie wasn't even pretending I was supposed to care?

I hadn't seen the first movie for a long while ago, so I'll believe the movie that they were the same actors for those cameos. And the new actors are fine, but see above about not caring about their characters.

We have a promise for another movie, but it's not something I'm hanging out for.

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Aterrados

Horror? Foreign Language? I'm sure there are just as many duds as in english, but this one is a cracker!

In Walter's house, there's a strange being, that is there and not there. It(?) causes an accident that kills a child, and a neighbour's wife. This brings it to the attention of a cop, his friend who has seen some things, and two colleagues who are around and they all decide to investigate. Ooops.

Creepy atmosphere? Check! Horror moments that don't pull punches? Check! Building moments of tension? Check! I am here for all of this!

The investigators come across as quite reasonable, and approach the situation with caution, but also (in so far as you can with paranormal event) rationality. It doesn't help. The scariest things can be the mundane of the neighbourhood... or they can be otherworldly creatures that are there if you look at things just right.

Definite recommendation!

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Flankenstine

Of all the Franky adaptations, this is GDT's one.

Out on the ice, a ship encounters a raving madman who tells them a story of the time he created a monster. Then the monster takes his turn to tell of the time he turned into a man.

A lot of this is a pretty faithful adaptation, although it goes with the "electricity" origin the movies made. And for some reason Elizabeth is just some woman Victor knows, not his wife to be. I'm sure there are deep reasons for that, but the biggest change is the end of the movie in which the message of the story is changed.

Oscar Isaac and Jacob Elordi put in the full work to get Victor and the Creature on screen, and well done to them. We get Charles Dance, Christoph Waltz and David Bradley giving great performances, if too briefly for some of them. But I couldn't buy Mia Goth as Elizabeth. I can see what GDT was aiming for, but she wasn't doing it for me (and those outfit choices weren't helping).

A lot of people are already saying this is peak movie, and... I salute them even as I don't agree.

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Alien Abjuration

From way back in 1998 comes this found footage alien invasion movie.

A family sits down for Thanksgiving dinner (complete with kid with new video camera), when the lights go out. The circuit box is fried, and then they come across some aliens doing a little cow vivisection. And interrupting that puts them right in the sights of the aliens. While people try to hunker down in the house, others go off trying to get help, but then they don't come back. Guess those who remain inside will live out the night, right?

This is presented very much as VHS style movie, and there's a weird overpixilation when the aliens are on screen, giving them a easily recognised visual kick. The people go through some of the standard alien issues and while I'm trying not to judge it too harshly for the time, it does feel rather generic. And it doesn't help that there's a kid who can't act, but she gets important parts of the story to convey with her characterisation.

If I had seen it at the time, I'm sure I'd be more taken aback by it... but it clearly has a "this is actually just a movie, not a real event at all" overall vibe so that, while I can appreciate it, it doesn't get to be that impressive.

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Tap Continues

The flower people are saying things again!

After being a little popular because of the previous movie, Tap broke up... but now they are getting together for a one off concert! We follow the trio as they get together a fortnight before the concert, and follow them through various issues, such as finding a new drummer, dealing with an a-hole promoter, and other relatable situations, and then we get the concert!

Woo! That concert! Talk about leaving the movie on a high note!

Although getting there does go through some ups and downs. There are guests such as Paul McCartney and Elton John, there are new faces such as Kerry "Bosh!" Godliman and Chris Addison, but... while there is a storyline that does address being older, and coming back after personality clashes and such, there are also odd moments they just feel like they are there because there needs to be odd moments in the movie. (That whole Ghost Tour bit, what?)

It's great to see Christopher Guest, Michael McKean, Harry Shearer, and Rob Reiner back again, and I definitely recommend, but I'm glad this isn't longer than 90 minutes.

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Goode Boye

Woof woof!

Indy's master is having a bad time, and Indy is suspicious of something in the corner of the house. The guy moves to his grandfather's haunted cabin, and Indy is suspicious of lots of things, even if the chap doesn't see them (and at some point you have to ask, should Indy give up on him?). Indy does his best, because he is a ... good boy!

Apparently director Ben Leonberg spent a long time getting the right shots. So Indy wasn't trained? But certainly we get great performance out of the dog, and the humans are barely made out (as the camera keeps with Indy's eyeline). Although I was reminded of this sketch.

Come for the dog, stay for the dog, give up on the humans.

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The Crooow

I think I saw the 1994 one, but I can now confirm I saw the 2024 one.

"Do you love me so much that you would come back from the dead for me?" Yeah, this is one angst of a emo teen drama... but it's also...

"Oh no, my girlfriend/wife/dog/lamp was taken, I must get it back!" and so this becomes a rather dreary revenge flick. Indeed, you could easily edit out the little supernatural elements there are and not really change anything.

Bill Skarsgard is fine, he wears tattoos well, they got clothes to drape on him well, and he manages to contort his body for the various stuff that we know he can pull off. Danny Huston is the only other actor of note in this, and even he doesn't have much to do.

Meh.

[END]

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Planet Tearroar!

I saw Death Proof ages ago (go Zoe!) but hadn't seen this... until now!

Whoops, a biochemical weapon gets released and... they are zombies. Let's just state that we are dealing with zombies. Well, by 'we', we have a collection of random people of police officers, an ex go-go dancer, a doctor, and El Wray, and others. They aren't really bothered by the zombies, but they do see them as an annoyance, and so we get a lot of gore around.

You know, I don't think Robert Rodriguez was taking this seriously! Gun legs, balls falling off, barbecue sauce, just anything is on the table. While the intent is to honour the grindhouse films of old, this is just such a much better movie that I don't think he could go bad enough to be truly grindhouse.

Quite the cast too, with Rose McGowen, Josh Brolin, Jeff Fahey, Bruce Willis and any Fergie-Ferge herself (and she does turn out to be Fergalicious). Surrounded by practical effects (aside from the leg), everyone is having fun. (Although we could do with less Quentin.)

Fun movie, if that's your kind of thing!

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Yes, There Was Blood

It's that milkshake meme movie! And now I've seen it!

Daniel Plainview is a complete bastard, doing whatever it takes to be the king in his own mind. He "adopts" a son, agrees to a verbal contract, and gets a brother. As long as they don't turn out to be an inconvenience or betray him. How dare!

This movie is basically "watch Daniel Day-Lewis give several unhinged performances" over the course of two and a half hours... Two and a half hours? Did this movie need to be this long? Paul Thomas Anderson has a vision and this is probably cut down from five hours or something.

Aside from DDL, there are some decent other performances. The kid(s) aren't annoying. Kevin O'Conner isn't annoying. And it seems there was a young Paul F Tomkins in this, but I suspect it was a blink-and-you-miss-it role.

I'm not sure what to make of this. This is long, and it is about an oilman, but... why did I watch this?

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Moonkey Shones!

More specifically this is Capuchin Shines.

Allan opens the movie and IMMEDIATELY gets into an accident, making him a quadriplegic. Now this is getting on with the movie! His ethically dubious brother donates him a monkey he's been doing experiments on, because why not, but the monkey, Ella, gets rather attached to Allan. Like "I'll kill for you" attached. Surely that can't be a problem.

The poster for this movie has the cymbal banging monkey toy and... this has nothing to do with that. George A. Romero directs this psychological thriller that dare asks who would win: monkey or budgerigar. I can't say I recognise the main actors from anything, but Stephen Root has a neat cameo, and Stanley Tucci is in this, although I didn't recognise him.

I don't know if this is "must see tv" but it is now a movie I have seen.

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VHS H/A/L/O/W/E/N

It's the latest anthology video... and it's about what I expected.

Diet Phantasma: It's good, only because it's short and thus just skips straight to the interesting parts.

Coochie Coochie Coo: Someone likes Resident Evil. Well, this was an excuse to scare some women, and give into their mommy fetish.

Ut Supra Sic Infra: Once again, if you want decent horror, go international! Spanish short, in which the police investigate an aftermath, and it goes about as well as you would expect.

Fun Size: Neat gimmick to the start of the story, but then... kinda wish this was a Kandyman story. It would have been actually notable then.

Kidprint: They say don't work with kids, but to be honest the random shots they did with random kids were the best part of this! I had a better idea of what spooky thing could be going on, but they went with the basic ideas.

Home Haunt: Aging dad tries to capture one last haunted house with his kid, and uses a spooky record to set the scene.. and unleash the horrors. This is quick and snappy how it jumps from one group of scares to the next, and a solid entry to end the movie on!

The moral of the story is: don't go trick or treating if you are no longer a kid.

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Domesday

I haven't seen this movie, but I've seen many like it.

An area gets a virus outbreak, and gets closed off, isolated... but then, a party of people need to go back in to find something and get caught up in the devolved society...

In this case, the area is Scotland, and what they want is a person who has survived the virus as the virus has been found outside. But while they go in with tech, they are defeated, and instead find a near medieval society.

...and I started writing this before it was over, because at around 80 minutes into it, I realised I had seen this before! Still doesn't make it not like a dozen other movies of the time, but does explain why I thought I recognised Rhona Mitra even though she hasn't been the lead in any other major thing I recognise. And speaking of actors, we also have Malcolm McDowell, Bob Hoskins, and Alexander Siddig!

If you are looking for a brown-filtered somewhat action movie, this is certainly one of many.

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Prime Minster

Sure, let's have a biopic about one of our better leaders.

We follow Jacinda Ardern, from when she becomes the leader of Labour, through to when she resigns. We encounter some very big moments, the Christchurch incident, and of course a lot around COVID-19, and we are with her as she announces decisions. We end on her afterwards, living a simpler life, and enjoying it.

Note that I say "as she announces decisions" rather than, say, "as she makes decisions". We get events as they happen, largely from the point of view of someone who happens to be there. We don't get a deep insight into how Jacinda is making choices, just some surface level stuff that most people could guess. Yes, it's hard, we get that, but... that's about it.

It's a basic view, so there is a better documentary out there that might actually delve into the events.

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Second of Senua

I finally decided to take the plunge and play the sequel. Sure, why not go through another emotional wringer.

This time Senua is after the slavers that previously attacked her village. She gets close, then a storm hits, and the game starts. We are her as she encounters a couple of people and through them get one step at a time closer to ending the problem.

While the first game was all about Senua's personal issues, especially around Dillion, this is about other people's issues. The end of the game tries to tie it into how Senua interacts with people, but the bulk of the game is not really Senua's issues, but helping other people. And the game is basically three repeated instances of find a giant, finding out their deal, then deal with the giant. Which involves repeated bouts of bits of combat, an environment puzzle, and a boss fight that's kind of a puzzle boss fight.

There are far fewer environmental puzzles this time, but that's because the game is a lot shorter too, and definitely feels it. I wouldn't say this feels like DLC for the first game, but it definitely isn't as full as the first game was. But I do seem to be a lot better at combat. Towards the end in the first one, I had to turn the game to easy, but this time I left it at dynamic the entire time. I did some lore stuff, but...

After finishing the game I unlock some extra stuff, but I don't think I feel like going back and playing through again, which does mean there is some lore I will miss (unless I watch it on youtube).

So decent-ish, but lower effort that the first time around.

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Badddder Guys

What's that movie with Cardi B and Sabrina Carpenter songs in it? Oh yeah, it's that animated DreamWorks one!

They were Bad Guys that were Good Guys that were actually Bad Guys until they encountered actual Bad Guys then they were Good Guys. In this follow up, you could go with something from their past coming back to haunt them as in their new lives or... you could redo the first movie, with people thinking they are Bad Guys, while they are trying to be Good Guys, while encountering actual Bad Guys and having to be Good Guys.

Clear? No, but yeah, they did the first film again in that they are up against another group of bad guys and have to deal with those. And they aren't interesting bad guys either, just some peoples who happen to do bad things and have leverage over the Bad Guys until around halfway through the movie when that no longer matters...

Because one of the worst things this movie does is take too long to do anything. I kept looking at the time, amazed and how little of the movie had gone while it felt like they had taken so much of it!

Voice performances are fine, animation looks familiar, characters are back from the first one, but I don't remember who they are.

Probably not for me, so I hope the people who it is for enjoy it.

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Batman Zero Punt

Let's continue the Batman theme with talking about the cross over with Fortnite. I feel like I should be mad, but Fortnite has consumed so much that everything is in there now.

A rift opens in Gotham, and Batman ends up kicked it, and finds himself in the world of PUBG Fortnite, an island with an enclosing storm, with fighting that resets every 22 minutes. However, Batman can't remember who he is, but who he is in innate and he battles the best he can, even teaming up with the Cat for a while. Eventually he finds a way out, but just ends up on a bigger island with other escapees, and eventually they find their way to home, and it's all wrapped up... or is it?

I'm not mad, because this is a decent story. I don't know the complete lore of Fortnite, other than what bits they ripped off from the other game, but this seems to pretty faithfully delve into it. I don't know if the other characters are on point, but Batman, Catman and Deathstroke come across well. Harly is a rather reductive version of herself, so we can't have everything.

There is set up for a sequel... and I won't even be mad at that!

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Aztecy Bats

Is this is an Elseworld? A glimpse into history? Or just a story cashing in on Batman's legacy?

A young Aztec warrior ends up leading the fight against Cortes and his men... and that's about all I have to say about that, because the story is just that basic! The writers shove some Bat-theming in there, with a would be Batman, a Catwoman, a faux Two-Face and a really sad attempt at a Joker... but this really is just a basic Aztec vs Conquistadors story with a Bat paint over.

Given that... it isn't even an interesting take on that. You can pretty much guess how it is going to go, and yep, there is goes. The art style works fine, and the performances are fine too. Just fine all around.

And there can be a sequel. Because of course there can be...

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Deadman/Batpool

[This is about the Batman/Deadpool crossover comic that's just come out, so you may want to skip this to avoid spoilers.]

We finally get a return of crossing over the big two comic universes and... some good, some bad. It's a collection of stories, with the main one being:

Batman and Deadpool: It's Batman and Joker... and Deadpool, because no-one can name a big bad of Deadpool that people would be interested in seeing? As far as Batman and Joker go, this is a pretty basic story, but I'm guessing they kept it simple as the main gimmick is inserting Deadpool. Everyone is written largely as expected, so that's good. A nice story, but nothing amazing. (They are different universes.)

Wonder Woman/Captain America: Two warriors from World War Two meet up and then continue to do so. They respect the hell out of each other, and it's a nice touch given that they do have that original connection other heroes don't really do. (It's a merged universe.)

Krypto/Jeff: Super pets having a super time!

Green Arrow/Daredevil: Fighting in Hell('s Kitchen) is bad enough, but with the League of Shadows and the Hand around it's more annoying. The Red and Green team up to deal with threats, and there's a nice touch with Matt's history. While short, this is probably my favourite story, although Green Arrow gets some weird dialogue. (Same universe.)

Green Lantern/Guardians of the Galaxy: Rocket gets a Ring and hijinx ensue!

Batman/Wolverine: It's Frank Miller. Ugh.

Lobo/Wolvering: He's called Logo, 'cos it's funny??? (This is some Amalgam rubbish!)

It's a start. Let's hope there's better to come now the gates are back open.

[END]

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Brung her buck

This got really uncomfortable to watch. And I don't think she's a good counselor.

A dad dies, so the two kids are sent to live with a foster parent, who is more interested in Piper than Adam. She acts really creepy at times, and how the hell is she a foster parent? It slowly becomes "will the good people survive" and more "will anyone get out of this alive?"

This is tied to Talk To Me, although I needed to be told that more than I worked it out myself. There was apparently also an ARG associated with this? No idea, not paying attention to that, but Amanda the Jedi explains it.

Sally Hawkins goes all out, and did her own stunts, ow! The kids aren't terrible, although they aren't being normal kids either. And hey, Sora Wong was actually partially sighted, so they actually casted properly.

There is unexplained stuff going on, relating to all the supernatural stuff, but you can easily keep up with what's happening. And they'll be making more movies to explain it yet.

Yay?

[END]

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Last Conjuration

I kept thinking the subtitle was "Final Rites" and kept thinking that was stupid. Turns out, that was stupid, because that isn't the subtitle!

The Smarls are a family, eight of them, living in one house, when a dark spirit enters via a mirror. A mirror, as it happens, that has a connection to the Warrens. So who is the demon really after?

I vaguely recall the Smarls, but can't recall any specifics. Not that it matters, because the Warrens simply got story rights to whatever events happened and then got ghost writers to write it up and add in whatever random spooky stuff they could come up with. Charlatans supreme.

Aside from that, this movie takes a long time to get going. Compare the first movie in which we are "bam, ghosts, Warrens!", to this in which it is over an hour before the Warrens are even aware of the problem! The focus here in on their daughter, Judy, and how Judy sees bad things so Lorraine taught her to keep those bad things out... and already I could tell "hey you know what sticking your head in the sand leads to? Being overwhelmed when the bad things actually come for you!" and I was right, that was one of the lessons of the movie!

The acting is fine. The ghosts are... just people in makeup. Someone in white makeup smiling is scary? I'd say someone is channeling their clown fear here. There are a few jump scares, but the movie doesn't lean on that, but rather more slow building atmosphere that doesn't at all get undercut when the CGI effects take over (note: they totally do).

This is the last one? We can only hope so. The Warrens may have brought prominence to the paranormal (and there were plenty of others doing that at the time), but Lorraine is as much a medium as I am a small...

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We-a-poos

From the creator of Barbarian? This is SO MUCH BETTER!!!

There's an incident in the night: kids so missing. Is it the teacher's fault? The parents certainly think so. Certain people can't let it go, and so end up finding out, which is always a good thing.

I went into this not having even seen the trailer, so I'll say no more.

Although we get the inciting incident straight away, it takes a while to get going, and the movie slowly amps up the "weirdness" moments. The big revelation is some what let down by "oh, is that all it is?" but this is still very well done and keeps up the interest all the way through.

Good performances all around, and the kids are... they are fine. There's a lot of Naruto Running, so we know something weird is going on, but Amy Madigan gets the bulk of carrying the back of the movie. Josh Brolin isn't bad, but mainly is in "upset dad" mode, not showing a large range of performances here. There is some gore moments, but mainly it's tension and build up.

So much better than Barbarian, I might even be interested in his next movie!

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2nd Nobuddy

I can't remember the first one, although I did see it. Is that good or bad? Anyway, here's another!

Nobody wants to go on vacation with his family... (um, I seem to have forgotten his name already... Hutch?), but being him he sees things that upset him and soon he gets involved with a big criminal gang... syndicate?... bunch of bad guys? Betting them up from the low end up until it all comes together at the amusement park, which is of course amus(ement)ing!

This is fun, yep, but... it's also a parody of the style of the One Man Army. I vaguely recall the first one was as well, but this definitely is. It tries to play serious, but not that hard. I'm glad it doesn't go hard into comedy, but it definitely has tongue in cheek and pretending to be more.

Bob Odenkirk is fine, although I'm sure even he would agree that camera movies and choreography does a lot of work in showing him off. Connie Nielsen gets a little more to do, but is an obvious next step for her. And is that Christopher Lloyd? It is! And damn but Colin Hanks looks so much like his father. And Sharon Stone is in this? This is quite the cast.

But it isn't really much of a movie beyond mildly entertaining for 90 minutes.

[END]

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Thurksay Murker Club

What a star studded cast... what a waste...

In a cosy mystery, a group of old pensioners live at a retirement home, looking at cold cases. When the owner dies, leaving it to his son that wants to turn it in luxury flats, they get involved and start uncovering a real mystery.

Check out these names: Helen Mirren, Pierce Brosnan, Ben Kingsley, Daniel Mays, Jonathan Pryce, David Tennant, Richard E. Grant... if there isn't a famous face on screen, give it five minutes and there you go. All fine performances, with Pierce the closest to going ham, but all of them doing solid work but nothing outstanding.

Because there isn't anything amazing about this. The story is pretty straight forward, the twists and turns are about standard for the fare (no, I didn't guess any, but I wasn't surprised by any either). And lookee here, the director is one Chris Columbus. That explains a lot really.

I'm glad this is on Netflix, as I don't want anyone spending money to see this in a theatre. I can only hope that, like other Netflix adaptations, the books are far better...

[END]

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Nekkid Goon

From the people behind The Lonely Island comes... an updated comedy movie!

Frank Drebin Jr is a cop, a cop in the Police Squad. After foiling a bank robbery, he's put onto a car crash, but soon finds his way into the dealing of an evil tech billionaire (because are there any other kind?). Together with the sister of the crash victim, he will do what he needs to to get the job done, no matter how many people get hurt along the way.

Was this funny? Yes. Was this better than the previous movies? Definitely. But was this actually any good? There's a word that comes to mind that I need to look up the spelling of: Milquetoast. While there are the jokes, they are the most obvious boring level jokes you would expect to never offend anyone. It is possible to actually have jokes with bite that don't make you wince, but they didn't even try. If you've seen the trailer, you've seen the best parts.

But at least they play it straight. Liam Neeson is straightlaced the whole time, and Pamela Anderson ain't cracking smiles with her goofs. Danny Huston is suitably chewing the scenery without going overboard. And Kevin Durand is just having fun.

It's well executed and all, but it doesn't kick as hard as it could.

[END]

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Nude Weapon

There are some movies and some... uh... choices were made.

1: Hey, we got a budget so let's go large! Is this considered a classic now? Certainly there are lots of moments and lots of jokes and... a big negative I will get back to. And OJ. Getting beaten up, but still. Yeah, moving on from that. Drebin just casually falls into the answers and.. where's the shoeshine guy? He was a great bit! Indeed, there are many bits missing, and no freeze frame, sad.

2.5: Storywise, I like this one more than the others. And it's still topical, because we still refuse to switch to reusable energy. Oh, the hilarity! Robert Goulet can be an evil guy any time, and Richard Griffiths is a treasure. 

3.33: Oh, oh dear. They are reaching with this movie, and it's not good. Extended sequences that weren't funny the first time and then continued far too much. There are a ton of cameos, but that whole sequence (the awards) is basically an excuse for cameos, and not to progress the story. And then casual transphobia, so get fucked.

There is one big problem with all these movies. It goes hard on slapstick, and gives up on the word play, which is bad enough, but... they acknowledge the jokes! So often we get a reaction shot from Leslie Nielson going "huh, that was weird" and no! Do not acknowledge it! Treat it seriously! Acknowledging just undercuts everything and makes the audience go "oh yeah, we are watching a stupid movie" rather than buying into the reality we are trying to enjoy. Complete failure.

Now that modern times made it better?

[END]

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From the files...

It's in colour... it's Police Squad! Featuring Leslie Nielson and Alan North.

Following in the tradition of police investigation shows came Police Squad!, which lampooned the hell out of them. While only six episodes, each episode is tightly packed with jokes and motifs that would be familiar to any police show follower.

But what really stands out is, they fully commit to the bit. The actors aren't mugging the camera, they aren't pausing to sell a joke, they just commit 100% to playing it fully seriously, and let the humour express itself. Which isn't to say it's all straight laced, plenty of word play and background bits, but they aren't cracking up over their own gags.

And the ending freeze frame... just... m'wah! More shows should have done this!

But, just six shows, why couldn't we get more? At least....

[END]

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28 28s Later

Zombie movies are still not exciting, but at least this didn't go as obvious as it could.

There's a little isle that's away from the mainland, and for some stupid reason, a rite of passage is going out and killing zombies (I don't care that they are infected with a rage virus, they are zombies). But instead of someone being stupid and letting the zombies in, the kid decides to take his suffering mother out because he heard there might be a doctor nearby. So, just roam over fields and dens and survive random zombies, what could be easier?

As I indicate, this wasn't as silly as it could be. Although the idea of needing to go out and kill a zombie to become is a stupid idea, it is just a set up for the actual plot of the movie of taking mother to doctor. Who happens to be a rather weird Ralph Finnes, which is not nothing.

The kid, played by Alfie Williams, isn't too annoying, and can be actually capable on screen. Jodie Comer is the mother, although I can't remember what else she's been in. And Aaron Taylor-Johnson is the father, being Aaron Taylor-Johnson.

And that ending... I know this movie is part of a series, but are we expecting a more immediate sequel?

[END]

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Ghost Killa!

It's a ghost movie! It's a gun movie! It's a ghost+gun movie! (And no, it is not the ghost of a gun.)

Fumika has see dead people. Well, one dead person, Kudo, an assassin who was killed. More than that, Kudo can possess her and use her body to do all kinds of martial arts. They encounter the group that wanted Kudo dead, and there's only one way through.

This is a fun movie! I'm not saying the basic premise relies on the idea of "see this very young woman kick martial arts arse!" but it's not not that. The movie doesn't take itself seriously, so everyone seems to be enjoying themselves. The action pieces are fun, and there is (light) serious drama too that comes across really well.

Worth checking out!

[END]

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Ellyo

I saw this used as the "mute your phone" message ahead of so many movies, I became actively disinterested. And yet, here we are.

A kid is stuck with his aunt who doesn't have much time for him... so fixates on aliens to solve all his problems. Aliens do eventually turn up, so he gets everything he ever wants and there are no more problems ever.

You can guess a lot of the beats of this and this movie does not disappoint on doing them. Which isn't to say that is a bad thing. I wasn't tearing, but this is Pixar, and they know how to do emotional moments. But there wasn't anything spectacular going on either.

Short review, but something there just isn't anything to say.

[END]

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Future Hype

Person "Hey this person is in this movie!"

Me "Cool, when's it out?"

Person "Over a year from now."

Me "...sigh"

I am so over the constant hype that some movie companies feel they have to keep going to stay relevant. Yes, those two are the big obvious ones, but if I cared more about games, they would definitely be thrown under this bus too.

Just knowing "this is coming a long way way" is just... too far away. I can't care that long, and I won't remember that long. And given the state of companies, it's just as likely the thing will change and that hype moment will no longer exist anyway.

Tell me when the movie is coming out about the hype, and I'll get hyped then. Telling me "this is great... and you can see it in a week!" is more likely to get me interested and engaged than going "is that finally happening? huh, forgot all about that."

I wouldn't say I'm hype-poised, but I'm definitely hype-fatigued.

[END]

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4 Pics No Jokes

I play 4 Pics 1 Word... a lot... how much? Well, what can this picture tell us?

One is that this game doesn't do culturally specific jokes!

But also, I have done nearly 200,000 levels (indeed I am now on Prestige Level #43!)

I have more money than I need. I could fill in so many jokers and not notice.

And yet... I'm gonna play more!

[END]

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Bullat Train Exploision

It's Speed, but on a train!

On a Japanese bullet train, there has been a bomb attached, and if it goes below 100 km/h, it goes boom! The first half of the movie is about dealing with people on the train finding out about this, and the train company doing what it can to rescue people... leading to just a handful of people, ie the main cast, to deal with the second half. There's an actual twist I didn't see coming, and the movie is more about how people react under stress and revealing their true selves.

I have no idea how they did the outside train shots. I doubt they could just hire a train, so did they just film the train as it went about its business? CGI? Models? Bit of everything? Certainly well done.

The acting is fine. I'm not sure I entirely buy the acting from some of the characters, but I got the idea and that was enough.

Decent action movie, turned thriller, but ultimately rather disposable.

[END]

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Yes! George! Tadpole!

One of my favourite songs! And one of my favourite bands! They're back, baybee!

[END]

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A Woking Mon

This film already feels older than this year.

There's this guy, he's just a guy, doing a laborer's job... except he has a past. When the daughter of his boss goes missing, he has a special set of skills, and that involves killing everyone... You know, now I think about it, he was in wars, but given how he, as an older man now, goes around killing everyone, how was there anyone left in the war after he was there?

Anyway, that man is Jason Statham, acting in a movie that has Sylvester Stallone involve in the script. Given that Stallone has written some damn good movies, this one... is so very generic. Frankly, as you read the above, you probably thought of a dozen movies that summary could fit, and yes, this doesn't really do anything to stand out.

It's all fine, just nothing amazing. There is room for a sequel if they want to work the man more, or not, it's open ended.

[END]

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War of the 2025

You may have heard about the latest version of War of the Worlds, but ... it is BAD!

Will Radford is a DHS Government agent that spies on hackers and other nefarious people... and his own children. Because he is a parent and wants what's best. But then aliens turn up, and start sucking up data! ... wait, what? ... They came now because the government just launched Goliath, which will enable them to parent everyone, get it, there's a thematic connection! Now Will has to join with his hacker son to take down the aliens, and the bad government. The aliens may have taken out all electricity and shut down all the computers, but Will's computer is fine (how?) as is the internet (wait, what?), so they won't have any problems. And it is the microbes that save us all.. no wait, no it isn't, it is a virus they write. Did they even read the book or see any adaptations or anything?

Remember Searching? And Missing? You know, the movies that were done entirely on computer screens, with face time like videos with the actors? What if we did that with this movie! So that we don't need to spend a lot of time setting up full sets and getting a lot of people together, just have them on screen, that'll do. At least we have the tripods... oh wait, they look like ass too! At least we only see them briefly through bad security cam footage, so that saves the effects team from having to do too much work.

Ice Cube is the lead, with his "oh no you don't" and "damn", he is the everyman government agent that... hang on, why are we on his side? He abuses his power to invade his children's lives, but at least he's on the good government's side? That feels like an excuse to allow him to see what's happening around the world, because luckily you can take control of everything with just a few clicks of a button. Other actors agreed to be in this too, some big names like Michael O'Neill and Jim Meskimen, and hey that's Clark Gregg!

This is a movie about a dad trying to be a better parent... but unfortunately the movie gets in the way.

[END]

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Rebirthing Jurassics

Already streaming although still in cinema.. why are movies in trouble?

Let's pretend people don't care about dinosaurs, so we can do "people go to dino island and get into trouble." (Alan!) Evil Corp needs three different blood samples, from land, sea and air, and... getting them isn't that much of a problem. However, while doing that, they are stranded on this dino island, along with a family they picked up, and then they walk around the island for a while until they get to the end act where some action has to happen with this movies goofy looking dinosaur. Yay?

Something something metaphor for this movie franchise, and yes, when you just remake the previous movies over again, again!, then yes, people are going to get bored with it. At times, I was reminded of the Godzilla movie in which we followed the people and only accidentally saw the giant creature. That's not a good association!

Acting wise, it's all fine, they cover all the stereotypes and you can guess who will live and die as soon as they are introduced. The dinosaurs are also fine, but the D-Rex (the new one) does look extremely stupid.

I assume "Rebirth" means they are rebooting this series again. Maybe next time they'll try for a good one?

[END]

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Then and Now

Copaganda is alive and well. I watched some SWAT (2017) recently, which was based on SWAT (1975). So let's compare!

The main team: Back in 75, the SWAT team was five people, all men (of course) and diversity expressed by having one African America. Although possibly also one Italian? Racism is weird. In 17, we have six, with Hondo (the main lead) being African American, one being Asian and a Woman(!). Now they do point out that women have a tough time in SWAT and there is a plot or two about a second woman getting into SWAT, so they aren't shying away from that.

The secondary team: In 17, there's the Commander who is in most of the episodes, supporting them, and they've had another female character in charge as well (changing over the seasons). And Deacon is married. Back in 75 the only other character you see often is a woman.. and she's the lady selling food! Hondo is married, but only in season one. In season two, she disappears, possibly so the main lead can get some romance from the female lead of the episode?

Humanising the forces: Back in 75, quite often in the episode we would spend time with the bad guys of the episode, finding out why they are experiencing the lives they are. They aren't portrayed as angels, and often it's them ranting about how cops screwed them over, but we get their side. In 17, we get on-going soap opera of the main team, especially their romantic lives, going over several episodes. That's fairly standard for tv series these days, but definitely a different take back in 75.

Wrapping up: Every episode have a big action piece towards the end, of course. Got to have a shoot out to keep the action up. However, in 75 we might get a whole minute cap at the end to find out that injured people survived, or that the one playboy cop isn't getting date. Whereas in 17 we get the whole last act after the ad break (nearly 10 minutes) of wrapping up events, and dealing with whatever soap opera plot line was going on that episode. They are really hoping people are staying for the characters.

In some ways, yep it's the same show. But definitely a lot of changes over the years.

[END]

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Aga-damn!

Gimmicky movie, but I watched it!

Three guys bury a corpse, but then are haunted by her ghost... and that's about all I know. This is a Tamil movie, redubbed in Hindi, and.. I have no idea what they are saying (and the auto-generated English subtitles were rubbish). But this is a good chance to see how much I can follow just from the acting. As far as I can tell, there was some dodgy business about selling (health?) drinks that were possibly poisonous, and from that the woman died, so they buried her. But then, eventually...

The big gimmick of this movie is that is all one take, over two hours. This does mean it is very slow, with plenty of scenes of not much happening as other actors move into position (especially the ghost woman, who shows up with a scream). And apparently they buried her just across the road or in their backyard or something, as they get into their house straight away, which is fortunately plenty big enough for people to go places.

Acting-wise, I'm not sure who is who, so I'll just say that the guy in the police shirt overacted a lot, the guy with the mustache was suitably intense, and the others were also there. As for the effects... at best, someone is rocking something from off screen, but otherwise, at best it's up to an actor to lie as still as possible.

You can check it out for yourself:

[END]

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On the nature of Facial Recognition

There are lots of facial recognition stuff around. Phones have it. Computers have it. Takes an image of your face, checks it against whatever stored scanned image it has, and says okay or not.

But the basic function of that is the computer takes an image. With a camera. With just one camera. Which can only take a 2D image. So there is no 3D image taken of your face.

I don't know what exactly goes on behind the scenes, but clearly it processes the image to recognise some features and extrapolate points, and what have you... but it does this from a 2D image.

Which suggests that if you have a suitably fitting photo, you could use that instead. The image would need to take into account that it is also a 2D image and might need to do some manipulation in order to be demanipulated by the processing computer to meet requirements, but it should be possible.

And certainly recognising any adult, no particular one, would be even easier.

Which has been done!

Brits can get around Discord's age verification thanks to Death Stranding's photo mode, bypassing the measure introduced with the UK's Online Safety Act.

Not just Death Stranding, but I suspect any realistic photo mode would work. Lara Croft? Aloy? William "B.J." Blazkowicz? Computers do so many pixels these days, other computers thing those are enough pixels.

But how long before any photo could do to unlock specific computers?

[END]

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Frantastic Frour!

It's amazing what this movie doesn't do.

On a world of their own, the Fantastic Four are the only heroes the world has. So when a galactic threat comes a-knockin', everyone looks to them to solve the issues. But this is family, and there are some things family won't do.

This movie is a slow burn. It just takes its time over everything. Each plot beat is slowly introduced, and the audience just sits with it while it happens, and then the movie eventually moves onto the next thing. Even the action sequences take their time! Now, it doesn't take too long, and definitely gets what it wants done, but this is not a movie for those that need punching every other minute.

This is going to sound heretical but... can someone please get Pedro Pascal to act? Yes, Reed is supposed to be stoic, but here he shows no emotion whatsoever. Even when it is scenes where we are supposed to see the real emotions beneath the surface, they are so far beneath you could be mistaken for not seeing them. Vanessa Kirby is fine, and I applaud their restraint over not putting her in skimpy outfits, until certain other Sue on screen appearances. The Thing... came across mostly well, but there were very obvious moments where it was some CGI creation trying to interact with the real world. Joseph Quinn kept reminding me of the young RDJ from the start of Civil War.

Shalla-Bal was... in the movie. And I applaud, as well, them not trying to make Galactus not entirely serious, with his huge helmet and such, although they did decide not to dress him in his usual purple skirt.

I'm not saying "they're back" cos they have always been here. This might be the start of a new stretch (sic) of movies, but let's see if they can actually keep momentum.

[END]

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M32gan

People are talking about how this movie is a shift to action over the last one, but there's one tag they aren't talking about.

There's a new killer robot on the loose, so we need to resurrect the old killer robot in order to protect them. But going on the attack only works as well as those involved are willing to let you.

So this is all action and stuff, but what this is more than anything is... Comedy! Indeed, at moments it goes into Farce. There is no way to take this seriously, and there is a large part of fetish around dressing up women as sparkly robots that speaks to what the writer/director wanted.

Acting and effects are fine... but then this movie isn't aiming for peak performance. This entertains, and that's the best this movie is aiming for.

It's a movie, I've seen it, and will forget all about it when the next one comes along.

[END]

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Games for Streaming only

I like games. Even horror games. But we are seeing a slew of particular kinds of horror games. Co-op horror games.

Now, that might not sound terrible, but they all have a common secondary characteristic... your avatar looks stupid and can do stupid things.

There is only one reason for that... to amuse viewers in streaming, baby!

Which brings us to so many "horror" games that are just there for the jump scares which are just there for the views, and when there aren't jump scares, people can act stupid, for the views!

So the game is all about the streaming experience, not the game experience.

Sod off.

[END]

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Ten Days to Go

There is a new Madonna album coming... kinda.

Veronica Electronica is sort of a concept album, whereby Madonna is putting on an alter-ego self, which isn't uncommon for singers. Heck, Madonna has done that herself, with Dita during Erotica and Madame X in Madame X. One upcoming track has been released already:

That's the demo version, which won't be the version on the album because... the album will be remixes.

Oh... is that all? I'm gonna get it, but... kinda disappointed that this is just rehashing old material. I was hoping this was a full new album because... I will admit, this song is already better than the entire Madame X album.

Here's hoping we do get something fully original in the future than a remix of Ray of Light.

[END]

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Dance it out!

Girl Talk did some great mashups, one of which is All Day. And then I found this amazing video of someone who did a whole dance choreography movie to it!

[END]

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Krypto

You will believe a Dog can fly!

We start with Krypto coming to the rescue to be a good boy, and jumping around a lot. Later he tries to help more, but is unable to, and is left to deal with squirrels. But he comes back later to be the best boi and save the day!

We get into it with not needing an origin story, 'cos everyone knows the origin story. This is basically a Superman vs Lex story, but I am surprised by how much this is the first time Lex has gone up against Superman. And everyone buys into Lex's side of things. So much for the big boy scout.

Everyone is fine with their performances. Even Rachel Brosnahan isn't irritating as Lois, and Lois can be extremely irritating as a character. The effects are believable, but we are not exactly in the same age as when Superman first came to the big screen and CGI can do so much, as can wires (as can wire removal).

Is this a big bold new stance for DC? Given we've already had several TV projects, this does feel like it fits in with that, but I really need to see a bigger universe before I know how this fits in.

[END]

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Prikosnoveniye

Why did I select this movie to watch? I have no idea, but I was fascinated by it!

A detective investigates a murder/suicide, and hears about how the mother's father would visit her to encourage her to kill herself... and he's been dead for twelve years now. What follows is him getting to know the sister, eventually marrying her, but they are all continually haunted by the presence of the father, insisting that this life is grim and everyone would be better in what comes next.

Is this an extremely Russian movie? I don't know, but it's bleak and bitter in many places, although the detective continues to say that life is beautiful and amazing, which conflicts with what the father wants. There are many odd shots (I'm not sure all are intentional) and we get fish-eye lens as we see through the ghost's eyes, but each shot is just something I couldn't stop watching.

This isn't a fun watch, but it was a compelling one.

[END]

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Phoneican Shem

Wes Anderson has a style, and has no interest in changing it.

Korda has been through several assassination attempts, and after the latest one wants to get his estranged daughter involved to take over the business. However, other businessmen move against him, and so he has to quickly move to meet with several of his contracts to get his scheme to come to fruition.

Which is basically an excuse for bringing in lots of different characters and set pieces, as is Wes's wont. Which is fine with me. This isn't going to be the highest rated of Wes' movies, but it is still very enjoyable. No doubt there are many themes I miss, but I got the main plot, and yes, there's even a coming to Christ subplot I could follow (like it was subtle... it wasn't, and wasn't trying to be).

Benicio Del Toro gets to run the entire movie, with Mia Threapleton and an amazingly non-annoying Michael Cera at his side. Lots of star powers in the other characters around, I won't list them, check out the credits yourself. And of course everything is precisely framed on screen, because this is Wes Anderson we are talking about.

Yep, good movie, but it will be "another Wes Anderson" rather than a peak one.

[END]

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FromtheworldofJohnWickBallerina

You better refer to it as the full title! My cinema does.

As a young child, Eve had a terrible experience where her dad was killed. Later on, she got into being a killer so she could be revenged. Oh, and John Wick was there.

This script started as a near parody female killer movie, then was adapted into a John Wick spin off. That would explain why I felt like the movie was something very different to the otherwise John Wick experience. They don't go full "she's a woman, so has to be a mother" but they don't not to do that. And apparently in the first cut of the movie it was terrible and there were reshoots to make it better... oof, this movie had problems. And this was Lance Reddick's second to last movie, so at least he was actually performing and this wasn't some creepy AI creation.

Ana de Armas gets a lot to do in this, where a lot means a lot of violence. She got beat up a lot, making me wonder if someone was really getting into that (the original script had a scene where the lead female assassin fought nude, so likely this is in keeping). Other actors come and go, with several moments of "hey, they are from the main line movies!"

And the action is.. actually, completely in line with the rest of the series. They know what they are doing.

It's fine as a movie by itself, but it didn't need to be tied in to wider universes.

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Demo-lation!

Play more demos, made more judgements!

Code: Loopbreaker - very annoying interface, obtuse puzzles, nope (in one puzzle, you selected with teh WASD keys, but confirmed with Left mouse... what?) Wishlist Cross!

Haunted House Renovator - I like house building games, but this just straight immediately turned me off. Wishlist Cross!

Botany Manor - this game is out, had a bad impression, played the demo... now have a good impression! Wishlist Tick!

3D Escape Room: Mystic Manor - reminded me of that puzzle game with the eye piece that sees things and null element. Wishlist Tick!

Secrets of Blackrock Manor - nice enough, will pick it up some time.  Wishlist Tick!

Dead Letter Dept - nope, a "horror" story that doesn't develop or go anywhere, don't care. Wishlist Cross!

Is This Seat Taken? - decent, but not sure I want a full game of it. Wishlist Cross!

The Button Effect - Exponentially annoying. Wishlist Cross!

Demos should be available, but may have been taken down. (Why???)

[END]

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PreDators of PreDator

New animated film? Sure I'll check it out.

Three different parts of earth history have a Predator going to it... and basically getting its arse handed to it. Seriously, you'd think they'd learn "do not go to Earth". Indeed, unless they are filing flight plans so other Predators know where they are going, those particular Predators just disappear, looking for a fight. Anyway, those get put down, but when a ship turns up to collect those that killed the Predators, not a problem! And so we end up with the three of them needing to deal with the Predators once and for all...

Basically, this is the same story over and over. The only difference is "what weapon is the Predator using?" and even then each of the Predators get defeated by people using that weapon against them. They really DO NOT LEARN anything ever! The ending is better than what I could have expected, but clearly setting up for more adventures (and that last scene could have otherwise been a post-credit scene for other franchises).

Decent vocal performances, and the animation was... largely fine, although the fire effects looked odd whenever they were used. [Apparently this movie was animated in Unreal Engine. Huh.]

There are lots of links to previous movies here, and if this is how the series continues, I'm not against it.

[END]

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17th Mickey

I need to stop watch black comedies...

Mickey needs to get away from Earth, so signs up with a not cult expedition to a new planet of purity, but didn't read the fine print when he ticked the "kill me" box. And so he gets to be the guinea pig for every bad thing around. Except the latest bad thing doesn't kill him, but they already produced a replacement, so wackiness ensues!

I'm gonna start with, I didn't really enjoy this. The black comedy aspect of it didn't hit home, so it just felt drawn out and not going anywhere. The creepy minister (political not religious, but...) is creepy, the creepy aliens aren't, and you can largely guess where the plot is going and wait for it to shake out.

Robert Pattinson is fine here, but frankly this felt like a role anyone could do so that Robert doesn't bring anything special to it. And that holds true for the rest of the cast. The effects are fine as well, and... this was over two hours? Don't need that.

Yes, I'm going to say that Moon did this better, which is unfortunate because that cast is 33% shit.

[END]

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Waiting for Sunrise

I've seen the video game... this is nothing like the video game...

With her sister gone missing, Clover and her friends go to Glore Valley to find her... and instead find death. More than once. Because when they die, they come back to life. To survive the night, they need to survive... until dawn!

While this has definite nods to the game, this is nothing like it. The game is all about Wendigos, this movie just has it as a minor monster. The game has the clown faced killer as a stalking menace, this movie has that as just one of many killers. The game has Peter Stomare as a over the top doctor... this movie does get that right.

We have Ella Rubin as the main girl, Odessa A'zlon I recognised from Ghosts, and Ji-young Yoo stood as the token Asian... but I could not tell you the difference between the two guys. The killers are decent enough, but aren't really on screen long enough to stand out as more than momentary jump scares.

The video game had a strong enough story, and plenty of characters. This pares down the number of characters... and the idea of a story. It's rather weak, because of that. Feel free to skip.

[END]

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Doctor Cruise

Medical shows are always something (The Pitt was The Bomb) and ads for this caught my eye, so yeah, let's binge it!

Set on a cruise ship, a new doctor heads up the medical team of two other nurses, and each episode is a different theme cruise with medical mishaps happening. The three medical people get into a situation, yes, a full on throuple at one point, but the soap opera comes out because the head doctor wants a solo relationship, but the female nurse doesn't, but maybe does have feelings, and the other male nurse has feelings for her as well, but she doesn't and... it gets messy, but hey, I already said "soap opera". And we have Joshua Jackson starring, last seen in Fringe, and Don Johnson is the captain. I'm sure I've seen Phillipa Soo is other things, but not Sean Teale.

But let's complain. So this is on a cruise ship, and I know a few things about cruise life... this is one of the smaller luxury liners, and there are definite changes for TV, but...

Three medical staff? Nope, way too few. And that medical office they have would be impressive in a stationary hospital, on the high seas there is no way they are having all that stuff!

The Captain and Doctor get fancy suites. Again, TV (and they give every person basically the same suite to save on sets), but I highly doubt they get anything thay really fancy, because they would a) be below decks, and b) cruise ships love to save on money and space by not giving out luxury cabins to staff. (And there don't seem to be any staff elevators either, just plush ones for everyone.)

The staff and guests mingle. A lot. And yes, fraternise... NOPE. That is extremely against all guidelines, and such staff would be thrown off the ship. This would also harken back to that classic series Love Boat... (and everyone calls this a 'boat', although the captain keeps correcting to 'ship').

And it isn't just me complaining.

It's a fun show, but TV beats realism. And network beats TV as there is no sign this is going to get a second season.

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Ura horâ

Found out about this Japanese horror today, so I watched it today.

This is an anthology of shorts... like really short. Like we are talking five minutes here. Just enough set up to get the idea, then BAM, a horror sting! On the one hand, great, let's get on with it. We know a lot of tropes, we don't need the hour backstory to "this is a creepy place," let's move. However, on the other hand, the horror moment is "look, it's a creepy thing" or "look at this image!" Indeed, a lot of them end on "here's a strange image to consider" which isn't really all that horrific, even outside of the J-Horror set up.

The basic set up is "found footage" with lots of tapes being "this was not aired, but we have it here for you now". And don't worry if you can't tell when the big moment is coming (and again it's not like these stories hang around for a long time for you to wait to) as there is always a moment of "proceeding further is not advised" shot.

Since it is so short, I can't really point out any actors, but two listed directors are Yôhei Fukuda and  Kôji Shiraishi and... hey, we recognise that last name!

And finally... you can see it for yourself!

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Implausible Reckonation

This is it, the final of the Running Man who Runned and did Stunts!

The Entity is nearly everywhere, and once it gets everywhere, then everywhere will become nowhere! ... 'cos it will destroy everything. Fortunately, the US can exactly determine a ticking clock to follow, with enough time for Ethan Hunt to go through some action sequences and long scenes of just talking and not doing much.

Seriously, for an action movie, there is large chunks of just nothing happening. And even some action scenes where there are large chunks of nothing happening... while being an action sequence!

This is definitely a "culmination" movie where they link several events from movies past, including a lot of links to the first movie.

The cast is pretty much the same as in Part One, and... yeah, several of them definitely are looking older now. No wonder Tom Cruise has bowed out of more movies, I can believe a few others putting their roles down... and, on the other hand, this isn't concluding anything, and the series can continue on and on and on...

This movie passed the time, but it didn't need to be the length that it is...

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Final Bloodlination

Sometimes, you just want to see a dumb movie.

This is what, the sixth movie? We start with an initial death sequence set piece... but it turns out that was a dream! But the young woman having the dream is seeing it at a nightmare, and goes in search of her family... which does technically lead them to start dying, so it is kind of all her fault, and if she hadn't done anything, they would live (longer). Also, it was a dumb kid's fault for some part of it all, so don't let kids do anything fun.

This series varies between horror and comedy, although the length of the mechanations that Death goes to and the final practical effects have always bent it towards comedy for me, and this one is definitely on the comedy side. Decent practical effects (I assume) or at least not obvious to me that it was all computer imagery.

The main cast are fine, but I can't say I know any of them from anything in particular. Aside from Brec Bassinger, last seen riding a stick, and of course...

Farewell, Tony Todd...

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A MineChicken Jockie

Okay, I definitely was going to watch this, so that's now done.

Steve YEARNS for the mines, so ends up in the Overworld, then encounters piglins. Because of that, four other people from our world enter Minecraft, and then all sorts of shenanigans happen. There's a suggestion of character arcs of the kid learning to trust himself, of Jason Mamoa learning to be more emotional open, of Jennifer Coolidge getting over her ex-husband by fucking a villager... it's a lot of small blocks put togther.

Into a complete mess. Like, this is a TERRIBLE movie. So many elements are explained by "tell don't show". And half the cast are irrelevent. I'm not saying this is a male movie, but the female characters could have been entirely removed and you would never notice. And as for the Minecraft elements...

I recognise them, but I don't care. But that's all right, because the movie doesn't care about them either. Just random excuses for things to happen for the audience to go "they did the thing", let alone all those meme moments that people are now going to this movie for audience participation for, which don't need to happen. You can say that this is for the kids, but let's respect them as well as when we cater to them, eh?

I'm not the only one who thinks Jack Black should have been in a different, and he and Jason might have been a great duo to see play off each other, but not this vehicle for that. Still a lot of New Zealand actors in here, although Rachel House is largely getting herself stereotyped here.

This made buckets of money, so they don't care about my opinion, so it's apt that I don't care about this.

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Hert Eeys

It's a "romantic comedy slasher"... only, not good at any of those.

So every Valentine's Day, there's a slasher who goes around slashing couples... so if you think people would take the obvious step of just not doing romantic things on that day, especially if you hear he is in your town, then you don't know people, you DO IT HARDER! Our romantic couple (the romance is in the comedy of how they say they aren't a couple) is forced to deal with the killer, and when it seems like they have... they haven't!

The comedy is obvious, the romance is banal, and the slasher was obviously trying to be the overly graphic comedy kind. This seemed like it had potential, and I will freely admit I didn't see the third act twist coming, but this still felt overly long and not worth it.

It didn't feel like anyone was trying with their acting, which does match the quality of the film. The mask, which is about the only notable thing, doesn't really have much going for it as doing anything other than being a mask.

Just overall a more meh movie than I was hoping.

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Skinners

Lot's of people have talked this up, I finally decided to see it.

I can't recall the trailer, but anyway, two slick talkers come back to town, and set up a juke joint... but then evil monsters are around, and we aren't even talking about the klan! [My main too logical thought I had during the movie was "how do the monsters avoid the problem of exponential growth?" and it turned out the answer is "they are really stupid".]

Michael B. Jordan is doing the key work here, being two different characters. I'm sure filming that was tricky, but Ryan Coogler clearly had a lot of fun doing this, particular in that music scene. Miles Caton gave a lot too, and actually played the guitar for real (and yes, I stayed until the very end of the movie). In fact, not surprising from a Coogler movie, there are great performances all around!

While this is a decent movie, I admit I'm currently distracted about thoughts of people in that era because of The Reformatory.

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Thunder Thunder Thunder Bolts Ho!

Latest MCU, yadda yadda...

Yelena is a sad girl, not happy with her shady dealings, and wants out... as it happens, the best way to do that is to kill everyone, a ploy that has never ever gone wrong... and then the Thunderbolts form, and Bob...

I really don't know what to say. There is a lot happening here that is really generic... but I don't remember it being revealed in the trailers? So I don't want to spoil stuff, but there's like ten minutes of story stretched over 120 minutes of movie.

Florence Pugh is the key to this movie, and she gets the lion share of character development and screen time... which does low key shade the idea of this being a team movie. The other actors did a fine job, although Lewis Pullman's face looked odd to me and kept taking me out of the movie. That all said, I love what they did with the Void's costume.

Some people are saying this is a great return to the greatest of the MCU but... eh, this is good, but I wouldn't say it was that amazing.

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Mirror 4 Reflections

This is as far as the series got... how did it get this far?

A young woman and her beau go to a derelict warehouse and a crazy cleaner lady (their words) uncovers a mirror, is killed, and somehow the beau is kidnapped or something? Later, she and her "friends" are in the warehouse because... that's where the movie is, and then we get a low scale haunted house scenario that accidentally includes a mirror. The young lady lives because... she's the main protagonist?

Yeah, this is nothing to get excited about, with one of the more disconnected mirror appearances in the series, it's just there, no-one is otherwise fascinated by it or anything. The movie then happens, with surprises involving such things as... people being around. Spooky!

Billy Drago is the repeat actor this time, but I can't say I recognise anyone else. There are one or two moments of actually decent effects (even for the time), so that's were the budget went.

If you do feel like watching this series, for some reason, don't feel like you need to watch them in order because there is no connection between any of them... or, more simply, don't watch any of them.

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Mirror 3 Voyeur

More Mirror, More Irrelevant Side Plots.

We start with Anthony having dream sex with Cassandra... get used to that, the ladies in this movie didn't get great contracts (I'm guessing) so there's a lot of sex with breasts on display. At the same time, Cassandra is casting a spell or something with the mirror that leads to something with mobsters and Mexicans and the police and... I have no idea. It wasn't worth paying that much attention, and to be honest that sub plot doesn't really go anywhere. Not that the main plot does much better. Anthony turns up at the ex-mobster's house, and finds a mirror and that inspires him to have more sex with Cassandra, and Carolyn is also involved. Cassandra doesn't like Carolyn, so does a long play in which Carolyn ends up injured/dead?, with means that Anthony ends up in the mirror and Joey is dead. Who are any of these people? It doesn't matter.

The "mirror" as such is a winner here, and has a lot more to do with the movie than the previous one. There is that, I suppose. The whole detective subplot could easily be removed, and I wouldn't be surprised if it was imported from some other script, they are so disconnected.

Actors wise, we have Billy Drago, an actor I haven't heard of in a long hot minute. We also get Mark Ruffalo back, playing someone else, but it isn't the first time this series has done that. We have Monique Parent and Elizabeth Baldwin as the women with the bad contracts, but they are fine.

This movie would be luck to be "straight to dollar bin".

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Mirror 2 Raven

Finally watching more in the Mirror Mirror series... such as it is.

Marley is a young woman in a convent, placed there by her elder sister by another mother, who wants control of Marley's assets, and so it going to extreme lengths to make it happen. Unfortunately, Marley finds a large Mirror that finally does something in the last fifteen minutes of the movie to actually be supernatural.

So there are two stories, one with trying to gaslight Marley, the other with the mirror that in many way reflects (sic) the mirror story of the first movie, in which the mirror is there until it does something. That said, the main storyline is amusing enough to watch, with Roddy McDowall as a creepy doctor, and Veronica Cartwright pretending to be the hook to the mirror side of things. And hey, this movie's big point: the debut of one Mark Ruffalo!

I'm not sure anyone is desperate to watch this, but if they are... I can't imagine why.

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Blacked Bagged

Spy thriller from Steven Soderbergh.. all right.

George is tagged to find out what happened to Severus which is a MacGuffin that can do a thing, doesn't matter. There are a number of suspects, one of which includes his wife. There are plans and machinations all over the place, and all sorts of things will be revealed as the plans come to light.

This was... very pat. Almost immediately people jump to the right conclusions, and already know a lot of information before the audience knows it... which kind of makes it one of them terrible murder mysteries when you find out there was a hidden marriage that the detective reveals in the final scene that would have solved everything... thanks Christie for that! Not that there is a hidden marriage here, but George certainly knows a lot more than he ever reveals except at the moment when it is useful for him, so the audience is definitely lagging behind.

But hey, this has Michael Fassbender and Cate Blanchett! Great performances, but not really stretching their acting muscles here, given every character is "reserved and cool". And there's a cameo from Pierce Brosnan, which automatically adds ten points to the score.

Not terrible, but rather stilted and more than a little up itself.

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Boiled Point

What's a good movie to watch on a plane? A one take movie about a chef and his restaurant on the brink.

We are following chef Andy Jones dealing with his restaurant, which, while seemingly popular, is running into problems with staff and stock, and trying to keep up with what the house staff are dealing with while also dealing with their own problems. This comes to the head at various moments in the movie (the movie is well named) with various sub plots, with a few key pieces that go off and suggest that the restaurant might not survive too well. And we end on a note of... I'm not entirely sure, but it's not good.

This is an intense character piece of putting a bunch of characters in one location, and then let them go. We follow various plots, and I assume this was one take? So yes, it could have been a play, but it feels like some parts of the story are there just to give the main cast a breather from being on screen. I do also question about how the restaurant itself manages to work with the work flow we see, but that's the buy in of watching a movie.

I'm gonna give a large round of applause to all the cast. There are the people you know, but all of them give good performances, making the whole movie enjoyable.

And watching it on a plane is fine! Although your preferences may differ.

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What Fresh Hell is this?

There's a set of three movies under "Fresh Hell Presents", so let's see what they presents!

Dead Teenagers: Five teenagers at a lake. Murderer around. You've heard it all before right? But what if one of the characters finds a few odd things. Like a light stand... or a script. And what if the movie doesn't go exactly according to the script, so the movie has trouble happening. What do you do then? Take over being the writer? Or do whatever it takes to make it out alive?

I can see what they are doing here, but there are large slabs where everyone can see what is going on so we are all waiting on the movie to get to the next part. It's an otherwise tight script, only 80 minutes, but the last 20 minutes are rushed, after the prevous 40 minutes taking too long to get there. I guess the acting is fine, but no particular standouts.

Wolves Against the World: Two band members were heavily into being Nazis back in the day with a third member, who died. (According to the IMDB summary we were supposed to think he committed suicide, but later find out he was killed by one of the band members... I never got that, I entirely assumed he was killed.) They get back together as the one that tried to get clean is trying to get money from his friend that didn't.. and we get deep into heavily Semetic things, and an "occult battle of wills"... again that is from the IMDB.

No, what we get is two ex friends trying to be friends again, but finding out one friend is full on psycho Nazi and I think the movie is trying to end on the "good" one taking out the "bad" one? Which is not occult, no matter what contacts they put on the bad guy to make us think of actual werewolves. I note that the script writer is the "bad" guy, so yeah, if you write a piece of shit, you play the piece of shit, otherwise don't write that.

The Exorcism of Saint Patrick: A pastor takes a gay young man out to a faraway cabin to deconvert him from being gay. It doesn't go well, and after 60 of the 90 minutes, the gay kid finally kills himself. The pastor is somewhat accused, but keeps away... but then undergoes severe guilt and kills himself (or what it demons or ghosts?).

This could have been something, but spends most of the time showing how terrible gay conversion is. Then punishes the pastor. And... there isn't much else to it really.

There is some connective tissue between the movies, reused locations, and a bit with a buried cable, but mostly this is writer/director Quinn Armstrong doing some movies. And so I guess he did that.

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