Tuesday, 24 July 2012

Tornadoes of Badness

Three disaster science fiction movies involving tornadoes. I'm guessing the fiction here is that there is a thing called 'science', because it doesn't actually exist in these movies.

Metal Tornado: Yes, that's right, a tornado made out of metal. Because of the sun. Science! harnesses the sun's rays (detectable on Earth before they arrive, so faster than light technology also exists!), but creates a tornado of bad CGI that sucks in metal - which can depend a lot on how easy it is to animate or turn into CGI. Fortunately, it is in yokel territory, so we get lots of shots of yokels going 'hey, sumfink weird be goin on'. However, with an application of random plot device, everything can be solved, except for Paris which gets it, because it isn't in Amurika! Starring Lou Diamond Phillips and Nicole de Boer, so clearly their careers are going places now. And look out for Greg Evigan doing a great Bruce Boxleitner. Thanks for the film Canada!

Alien Tornado: Yes, that's right, a tornado made out of aliens. Okay, not really, but aliens are making tornadoes. Not that we find that out quickly as most of the movie is set up that 'weird tornadoes are happening' and very, very slow reveal of what is happening. Then the last part of the movie is trying to make the audience believe that some quickly garbled rubbish will solve everything, because aliens run in base 11 code or something... no-one cares, so whatever. Admittedly the cast are pretty good, and have fun with going over the top. Jeff Fahey and Kari Wuhrer are the main guest stars, with Willard Pugh and David Jensen enjoying themselves the most. Syfy are known for disappointing movies, and this isn't breaking that trend, but it is marginally decent if you can ignore the story.

Space Twister: (also known as Mega Cyclone - I can't tell which title is worse...) Yes, that's right, a twister made out of space. Well, aren't they all? For this one, a twister forms because... Earth is like Jupiter? Or something? I don't know, they don't explain it, and the science they do try is just painful. Anyway, in Act One, a cyclone attacks a town, in Act Two we meet a lot of plot devices that are used in Act Three, in which an ending is hastily attempted. To be honest, the only decent thing in this movie are the effects. Which are quite good, considering this is a C grade movie. For names we have Mitch Pileggi and Erica Cerra, so this is clearly a Canadian movie. But, basically, just stop it Syfy.


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