Saturday, 14 June 2014

ASSteroid v Dearth

"When a shower of massive meteors threatens an extinction level event on Earth, the world's greatest minds devise a dangerous plan that will take the planet off its axis in order to avoid the impact." So says the IMDB listing... sound terrible yet? Well, it is an Asylum movie...

An intern (if he has a name, no-one cares) spots an asteroid heading towards earth and is instantly able to tell it will crash into the earth in ten days time. So various people are woken up, and the military threaten to blow it out of the sky... only the intern says it won't work, and he's right! Instead, the great plan is... to move the earth. Seriously. Cause a "greater than 18 on the Richter scale" earthquake and the earth will shift on its axis and the asteroid will slip past. 'cause that's a thing that will happen. And so the next hour is spent trying to set off a suitable explosion intermingled with stock footage of bad things happening around the earth. Fortunately the earth is moved with no ill effect to any of the remaining cast, hooray!

I get that the Asylum want to make movies. Easy money for them. But why do actors keep appearing in them? Tia Carrere, Robert Davi, Tim Russ... your careers are better than this! The sets look like they just found a random building and shot there. The effects don't match the rest of the movie. And the heavy character moments are flatter than... something very flat.

Okay, I knew what I was in for when I went into this, but still, don't we deserve better than this?


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