Ghusthonters

Ah, Asylum, I must be so behind on the bad movies you've come up with. Anywhere, here's their group of people trying to bust some ghosts.

We start with a Saw level death of mother and daughter, then cut to the father going 'we must go back inside to get the machine'. Because he happened to have created a machine that can capture ghosts and extrude them as ectoplasm. And he just so happens to have created glasses that can see ghosts, which would immediately make him excessively rich, but let's ignore that. Anyway, the people working on the machine turn up at the house, with some other people, and then they are trying to capture ghosts, and save the spirits of the mother and daughter. Of course, there are problems, and I spotted the twist about ten years before the movie began, and this is just a sad pathetic not even really haunted house movie...

Now, I will give Asylum this, they have been making female led movies already. So I wasn't sure what they would do with this. Turns out, they didn't really have an idea either, beyond 'something with ghosts' and went with whatever generic script passed over their desk. They weren't trying, as much as they ever try, and even the effects aren't exciting either.

In a way, they were doing well at one point. However, they aren't doing anything like that now.

[END]

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The Tales of Hoffman

Not Philip Seymour, no matter how much I kept thinking that, but a fantasy opera instead. These are The Tales of Hoffman.

We start with Hoffman being enthralled by a dancer Stella, who is also interested in him. However Lindorf intercepts the note so he doesn't know about it. And the Muse Poetry takes the form of Nicklaus to bring Hoffman over to loving Poetry. With that set up, Hoffman tells us (and these are the three main acts of the opera) of his loves of Olympia, Giulietta and Antonia, which never ends well. It ends rather abruptly (compared with the original opera) of Stella living with Lindorf.

This looks... gorgeous. There's no other way to describe it. This definitely needs to be seen on a big screen, and the Film Society showed the new 4K restoration (on the Paramount screen, so I'm not sure how well that worked). However, being an opera, there is a lot of singing, so this movie definitely needs subtitles to follow what's going on.

Enjoyable to watch, moderately good to listen to.

[END]

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JC Van Johnson

One more pilot, this one starring Jean-Claude Van Damme as himself... sort of.

However, JC isn't just an actor, he's also a secret spy agent type that goes in to bad places under cover of filming and dealing with the bad guys. He's been away for a while, but he's back now! And not at all over a woman! He's back and goes in to tag a shipment, but then there's trouble on the way out. He's back... and it isn't the same.

Okay, the first point, and the main point, is that JC is more than willing to make fun of himself, his movies, and his style. And that is enough to get me to buy in. There are some absolutely terrifically hilarious moments in here, and we also get some proper JC action!

This is a series that I will hopefully remember to keep up with.

[END]

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Pixel Puzzles

I played some jigsaw games. Indeed, a lot of time, all on Steam. The basic idea is you see a picture, which fades away, then you need to pick up the pieces from the side (with your mouse) and put them where they are supposed to go. Fortunately, the pieces lock in place, so that helps. Then each game adds more gimmicks.

Japan is the first one, with images of Japan. Just the basics of pieces into the place.

Then is Undead. Aside from the zombie pictures, there is also a character you control that is fighting off a zombie invasion. Fortunately, you can play the puzzle without that aspect (although you miss out on half of the achievements) so that's what I quickly shifted into doing.

Next is Anime, which is anime based pictures. There is also a really annoying character that floats around the image, refills your hint bar, and really, really annoys. Fortunately you can switch the sound off, so that didn't last. The other big change is puzzle pieces aren't in the right rotation. So as well being in the right place, you need to be the right way around.

Then is Birds. Which has pictures of birds. On rocks. Lots of rocks, which can be hard to tell the difference between. You need to fill the hint bar by collecting crabs. Fortunately, while there is rotation, you can switch that off. I'm not sure if the previous game had that option, but I switched it off for this.

Last is Space, with lots of great space pictures. The gimmick here is that there are space missile things floating around you can plug into the hint system. However, if you don't use any and plug them into the space ship, you can get an extra achievement per puzzle. With rotation switched off, that took a while, but I got there.

So all those puzzles are done... hmm... now I need something else to play while listening to podcasts.

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Drakula A.D. 1972

The Hammer Dracula movies have been rather casual with continuity between movies. While Dracula is resurrected from the last death, some rural characters seem to turn up again, but generally it's a new cast each time. With this movie, it's a completely different timeline... which I think is to allow them to bring back Peter Cushing... and I'll allow it!

A hundred years ago, Dracula was killed, but now it's a hundred years later and someone decides to raise him. Someone with the incredibly crafty name of Alucard, and in a manner reminiscent of Taste the Blood of Dracula. But Van Helsing's great-great granddaughter is part of this, and Dracula wants her. Fortunately, her grandfather, the proper occult-aware Van Helsing, gets involved, and the race is on for him to save her from Dracula.

There is quite the cast here. We have Christopher "dominate every scene" Lee, and Peter "great in any scene" Cushing, but we also have Stephanie "seaQuest" Beacham, who could also be called Stephanie "showing off how buxon she is by wearing flimsy clothing" Beacham. There is also Christopher "My clothes from my first scene will return when I'm playing Skagra" Neame, and Caroline "I could have been a Doctor Who girl" Munro. They are all giving good performances, and Neame very nearly stands up to Lee's acting ability.

But the best part of this movie is... the music! This is so 70s action music, I was expecting The Avengers, the Persuaders! and even The Professionals to turn up any moment. Now there's a soundtrack to get a hold of.

If this is a reset, I'll buy it, as long as we get more of those groovy tunes.

[END]

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Lost One Room

This mini-series was originally broadcast in three 90 minute episodes, but later released as six 45 minute episodes, and so that's how I'll review it.

In the first episode, we get a mystery straight away. In a pawn shop someone brings out a key, but a bigshot with a pen enters, and then... we have our hero, a cop, Detective Miller, enter to find two people burnt, one of whom in a ceiling. He knows a street punk was in there, and tracks him down, only for him to disappear through a door. Eventually the punk returns to the cop, and hands him the key... and so really kicks off the adventure. The key can open any door (with a key lock) and goes to the motel room, and from there to anywhere. Just what this open opens up is one the cop is not ready for.

We do get a slab of exposition here, as Peter Jacobson provides some back story. There are Objects, from the Room, and they have strange powers... and I'm in. I am so completely in. This is entirely up my street, and there's no way I'm turning off now.

We end the first episode on a climax using information that has already been set up. Now that's a good way to do it. Usually a climax is 'danger!' or 'here's something new', and this one is 'you know that thing that can happen? here's is happening in a way you should have thought about, but is really terrifying', and that's a great twist.

I love this series.

[END]

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I Loving Dick

It's another pilot with a provocative title.

A man and wife (I think? she doesn't act like she is, more like she's a sister) move to Marfa for the man's new residency, and encounter Dick. Who is played by Kevin Bacon, which is the only good part of the entire episode.

Otherwise, this is wanting to be comedy, but... I'm not getting it. At least, I think it's supposed to be a comedy, as I can't tell the humour I'm not sure. Perhaps it's just drama? If so, it's still not grabbing me.

I'm willing to give anything with Kevin Bacon the benefit of doubt, but no... I'm done. No interest in following this.

[END]

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