Saturday, 15 May 2021

Wroth of Mon

Jason Statham? Guy Ritchie? Sure, I'm in!

A crew hits a security truck carrying cash. Completely incidentally a hard guy joins the security team not long after and is looking at people suspiciously. As you might guess, something went wrong and now someone has to pay. So get ready for a lot of violence and people looking tough.

As far as these movies go, this felt rather middle of the road for Ritchie. Considering he recently did The Gentlemen, this came across as Ritchie on auto-pilot. Sure, it's still got the action you want, but there isn't really heart to it, just rather rote of people playing parts.

Turns out, this is a remake of a French film, and I have to admit I kinda want to watch that now, although I can't see it anywhere.

If you are looking for a two hour action piece, give this a go, but it's not a top Ritchie product.


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Monday, 26 April 2021


Wow, this movie got a drubbing from various places, so I guess I'm not gonna like this...

In Samurai Times (which are a distinct time period in history now, given the number of movies set there), who-would-be-Sub-Zero attacks the family of who-would-be-Scorpion. Only a baby survives. Cut to modern day, and fighters are being gathered because it's time for the tenth competition between Earthrealm and Outworld. As it happens, the baby's descent is one of the fighters so that links everything together. However, while they are all training, Outworld decides "sod the rules, let's cheat" (which they've been doing already), so let's launch into Mortal Kombat!!

You know what... I like this movie! The fight scenes are great. The narrative connective tissue works find to get you from place to place and keep things clear. This isn't a cinematic masterpiece, but considering I'm watching a movie based on a video game, yeah, this is good!

I also liked the 1995 movie, although that was leaning far more into the silliness than this movie. The sequel can jump in the trash though.

I have no doubt the series will jump on sequels given half a chance, but as much as I liked this, I doubt this will get there. (Happy to be wrong.)


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Monday, 19 April 2021


I hope want revenge violence, 'cos this movie is revenge violence.

Random guy is going through life, being a nine-to-five chap that is just getting through life. However when his house gets invaded, his dander slowly gets up, goes to do something about, and ends up in a punching movie. Fortunately, he happens to have a special set of skills.

Of course people will compare this with John Wick, and that's understandable. A Bad Day happens to a seemingly normal guy, and it turns out that he is The Wrong Guy To Piss Off. However, I'm going to drop a hot take: I can believe Keanu Reaves as a master killing machine. Bob Oldenkirk... not so much. Some of that is para-text, in that we've seen Keanu getting jacked for these movies and know he went through extensive training for his roles. Bob... well, he's Saul Goodman... a skeezy lawyer whos greatest act was drinking his own piss and offering himself up as a target. We aren't seeing him one handedly taking out gangs of men (because they are always men, we aren't gender neutral in fighting movies). Now, Hutch (played by Bob) doesn't get away without scratches, but still... movie magic can only go so far.

Still, Christopher Lloyd is in this, and gets to have fun.


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Tuesday, 30 March 2021

Monkey vs Lizard

It seems this came out a week before the US got it... cool!

This is it! The title bout!! The one we've all been waiting for!!! ... I have no idea how to cut a promo!!!!

Kong needs to move, so they take this opportunity to hunt for the Hidden World that lies beneath the surface of the earth. But Kong on the move means that Godzilla realises he is around, and so... But wait, that's not the only thing Godzilla is getting annoyed about, and so we have the humans tracking down something weird in the heart of Pensecola.

Let's cut to the details: there are some monster fights, and you can even see most of them! Outside of the fights, there is a fair bit of humans, but there is also a lot of Kong. Like, I hope you want to see a big monkey often, because Kong is our connection to the soul of the Titans.

As for the big question of who wins... of course, I'm not going to spoil that, but a lot of internet guesses already worked out the plot, so I can't say I was surprised when things unfolded as they did.

Enjoyable, and they are slowly getting better with the monster epics, but we can do bigger and better monster fights, can't we?


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Saturday, 20 March 2021

Bill the Bailey!

I went and saw Bill Bailey live recently... because I live in a country not led by morons! There, I said it!

It was great. Laughed a lot. I'm not going to repeat the jokes because a) that's his material, and b) I'd probably screw it up. That said, I doubt any other group than those there that night will get "Satan came from Trowbridge"!

His comedy stylings are a nice... not really "family friendly" per se, but certainly not that hard edge of some comics. (Looking at you Jimmy Carr!) A more gentle comedy, with a mixture of stories, jokes and musical stylings.

Although the show was called "Enroute to Normal" there wasn't that much about the 'rona. Of course he did talk about how it was basically him in New Zealand (and the Wiggles) and we were one of the few counties everyone wanted to come to, and a wee quarantine story, but mostly it was random observations that could have been in any show. Not that I didn't enjoy it (see the part about laughing a lot) but that was a little misleading.

Still, great show, and I see Ben Elton is coming in May. Hmm....


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Thursday, 4 March 2021

Troll Bridge

This was a LONG time in the making. So much so that I'm in the backers list twice! Still, very good!



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Sunday, 14 February 2021

Cloud in the Shadow

Humm... So, I saw this.. but I don't know what this movie is trying to say.

A WAAF catches a plane ride with an important cargo, but the planeful of men aren't the most respectful towards her. As the flight goes on, she sees strange things on the plane, and so the men start to suspect her and pick apart her story. Soon, she is fighting for the plane and more than herself to get to some sense of safety.

This is definitely the movie of Chloë Grace Moretz, and we can as the camera is on her the entire time. Like, she is in the below gunner position (as that is the only room for her on the place) and we stay there for most of the movie. The character imagines some of the peoples faces, but basically it's an audio play with one character on screen. But the problem the movie has isn't with her, or that stylistic choice.

But to explain, I need to go into some spoilers. We have three elements in play here, Maude being a female on the plane, the cargo she is carrying which is linked to another character and (here is the spoiler) is their baby, and then there is the gremlin attacking the plane. And the problem is... these elements aren't linked. Like, okay, Maude and her baby, but just so happens to be the fathers plane as well? (She took the first plane she could, so that wasn't planned.) And her fighting the gremlin... that wasn't linked at all. It didn't connect to her motherhood, or having to put up with the men (which did have to happen), but it was like "we need something to fight, so stick this thing in there" and it doesn't really fit.

There could have been a fine thriller without the gremlin, as tension mounts over Maude's story, but that is tacked on because... getting people's bums in seats?

Ultimately, it didn't work for me. Just too many things trying to fit and they didn't.


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