Salmokji

Is it a fish dish? Something from Sweden? Or a Korean horror movie?

There's a ghost head on a street view image of a lake, so the Road Team needs to send some people up to take new footage. However, that particular lake has issues, such as possibly being a flooded cemetery, and the group that go up there quickly learn one does not go into the water... but then the water comes for you.

Yay, a good horror movie! What I like is atmosphere and this builds it quickly. We start with the bringer of a quick horror moment, and then get just get on with bringing a new group of unsuspecting people in. No big soap opera connections between the people, no fake ghost investigation team, just some people needing to do a job and getting swamped.

Because this is building atmosphere, we get slow glimpses of odd things happening before the full on specters start turning up. The quality of the makeup is... variable, some are low key excellent, some are just full on "slather on the make up and make the eyes glow" which don't work quite as well.

Still, once again, we have foreign movies bringing the horror I crave.

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Archi Pelago

I've been distracted by gaming recently. Not just any gaming, but asynchronous gaming where my keys are in another castle... in fact, in another game entirely. 

Archipelago is a thing where a group of people play a group of games, and the items are mixed between them. So when I open a chest, I might get a boost for someone else, or unlock their map, or anything. And they'll find things for me.

(In some ways, this is like a randomiser, where it's randomised across games, not just within games... oh, and this is an easy way of doing randomised run games anyway.)

While there is an "official" list of games, there are a lot more games that you can tweak and do this with.

I played Portal 2 and A Short Hike, and "checks" are when I open a chest, help someone, complete a map. Portal 2 keeps the maps within each chapter but shuffles them around within the chapter, you need other people to unlock items like buttons and the portal gun itself. A Short Hike just mixes up everything, and most of the items I need are with other people, including those vital feathers. Archi is supposed to arrange things so that an item you need isn't locked away behind something that unlocks via that item, but...

I spent a lot of time at "Burger King". Early on, one person couldn't do anything, so went and got BK.. and still couldn't do anything they got back, so getting blocked became "BK"d. And with so many games and so many checks, many of us ended up BK at some point or another.

It was a lot of fun, but... there is a danger of obsessively wanting things getting unlocked, and bugging others to unlock things for you, so there is mental health to watch out for.

Still... what else is on the list I can play...? 

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Nermal

The title is just too easy to pun on. 

Ulysses is just an interim sheriff, not wanting to do too much, just chill in a quiet town. It's a quiet place, not much happening. Except a bank robbery. Which not so much goes sideways as does a complete spin in multiple directions and then pear, apple, banana, and pineapple shaped.

This is "dark comedy" in that it is actually funny at times, although at the expense of, usually, people dying. Bob Odenkirk isn't playing a complete bad-ass this time, but is still skilled enough to take on many people (with guns) and come out on top. The plot goes a little odd in places. I like the twist at around 30 minutes... but not a fan of the ending. Too much "eh, let's just get over it" to be realistic. 

Nice cameos, or at least short presences, of Henry Winkler and Lena Headey. But this movie isn't afraid of suddenly writing characters out. The action sequences are fine, although the film is very grey due to the snow and everyone dressing in very dull colours.

Better in concept that execution. 

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Hopeu

South Korea do great monster movies.

A mutilated cow leads to a hunt for some creature that could do it, that then leads into a chase through town against a monster. However, that is just the first part of the movie. Then the second part kicks in, and there are wider things going on. (And by the ending, we realise we've been following the wrong characters in the movie all along - there is clearly meant to be more movies after this.)

This is a comedy, in that it has comedic elements, that, however, fit badly. There is a lot of tense build up (and a lot of "don't see the monster" to begin with), and a lot of action, and the comedic elements really drop in like a stone dropped into soup. I can see what they wanted, but the tone switches too badly.

I missed seeing this in the theaters because it was screening late, and it is a long movie (over 2 1/2 hours). It could be shorter as there are some repeated sequences in there of "group of people find creature, they are killed, and then the next group find the creature". And the CGI creatures do feel a little unfinished (it was originally screened in an unfinished form, with better effects to come... these don't feel that finished).

On the whole, a good movie, that could be tightened up a little. And needs a sequel or two. 

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Hey Buuuuuuuddy

I love Buddy, he loves me! 

Buddy is a wonderful magical unicorn, with kids that love to sing and hug. Just as long as you do what he says, everything is great. Ignore that the children are getting killed off, and disappearing from the world. Just love Buddy... you better!

I did know some of this movie going in, which might have tainted this a bit, but... this felt very one note. Get the idea of an evil Barney? Got it? GOT IT?? Well, that's all there is. Taking kids through the television reminded me of an episode of Angel... and the whole thing reminded me of Mr Crocket.

By premise, there are kid actors, but they aren't terrible. On the adult side, we get Cristin Milioti as a one-note mother, and for example Patton Oswalt as a voice, and of course Keegan-Michael Kay as (at least the voice) of Buddy.

I've seen this done better. I prefer the more surreal nature of DHMIS.

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Infarmiry

Debut feature film? Yep, feels like it. 

A new guy is on security detail at an abandoned mental hospital, and everything goes swimmingly.

As Found Footage this is fine, with also some body cams to break it up. However, there is also a lot of "we are going to spend time wandering long hallways with nothing happening" to also break up the moments of nothing else happening. Because not a lot does happen. Which is getting towards being atmospheric, which I like, but also the rare jump scares aren't really that scary, and you expect what is coming.

This feels a lot like "hey, we found this place, let's film something here" which does explain a lot. The filmmakers have a few ideas, but otherwise "this space is neat, actors, do some stuff". The overall plot (such as there is) is about five minutes, with the rest of time just being creepy.

As a first film, fine, there is some potential here, but definitely want to see some improvement for a next piece.

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Matchabox

Wow, even I can tell this is an extreme second monitor movie.

Sean is now a spy and he and his childhood friends are caught up in a bomb mission and...

Nothing that happens in this movie is worth a damn. There is one "original" twist (which I won't give away here), but then they hammer that point home so hard it's not a twist but it is repeated for those who weren't paying attention the first time. Lots of car chases and John Cena getting into fights and explosions... just like Matchbox!

As you expect, the link to the product is really slim. The childhood friends play with them for like a minute, and we see some tiny cars at two other moments, but otherwise it has no relevance what so ever. I will check the trivia after this, and if I find out "this was a generic movie they slapped the Matchbox label on" I will die from non-surprise.

It's fine, the acting is fine (definitely not great), the action is fine, the story is... not fine, but I doubt people are watching this for a heartfelt drama. Watch it if you will, but set expectations appropriately. 

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