News overreaction!

Ripped from today's headlines, without even pausing to read the blurbs, let's see what the news media wants us to know:

Inquest rules Diana unlawfully killed
What? Really? You mean there was a consideration that she was lawfully killed? There are circumstances in which people could officially arrange for a car to crash and kill someone and the law will go "yep, looks all right by me"? Wow, they say you should learn something new every day, and today we find out there's a new form of capital punishment available! I bet Fox would make a show out of it.

Outcry over online auction of cheese
Oh noes! They're selling cheese! Quick, hide your dairy products! Ban eBay! Never before has commerce gone so out of control! Next thing, fruit and vegetables will be verboten! Cows, you're next!

Judge annoyed by delay in porn case
You just gotta wonder, which aspect is the most annoying? Fine, it might be "come on, let's get this case over already", but the newswriter decided that it must be the "porn case", so the porn is important. Clearly then, the Judge is wanting to get their hands on the porn. Maybe they've run out of their own and want a fresh supply. (But let's keep this tasteful so no "it's coming now" jokes, please!)

Olympic flame snuffed out in Paris
Once again we see the vicious French striking a blow against international relationships. You can just tell the writers wanted to say "Today the French took the Olympic Flame out in a hail of gunfire Martin Scorsese would be proud of". Unless they're talking about Paris Hilton. While I wouldn't put it past her, I don't think I want to know those snuffing details...

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