Less Than Meets The Eye

Well, I went ahead with the threat...

Transmorphers (2007): Oh ye gods, this is bad. More Terminator than Transformers, the machines have come to earth, laid waste to it, and now humans are a race trying to survive and fight back against the machines. Which, it has to be said, don't do a lot of transmorphing. There's one that converts into a large gun emplacement, which, considering this is a cheap movie, gets used again and again. In fact, the animation in this makes Birdemic... no, wait, Birdemic is still worse. But this is from the same school, if a slightly getter GPA. I will grant that this movie has better gender politics, in that it has a pair of married women, but that's undercut by another scene which is a women in army fatigues bitch fight that comes off as exploitative than narratively driven. We can only be glad that the sound track often drowns out the dialogue. The best thing you can say about this movie is that it doesn't hurt anyone's career, 'cos no-one who's in this has one. This movie really is a piece of shit, and I say that as someone's who watched a fair few Asylum movies by now...

Transmorphers: The Fall of Man (2009): As a sequel, this is a prequel. Immediately bonus over previous movie: Bruce Boxleitner. I can only assume they caught him on a good day and got a yes before he had a chance to really think about it. And there's about 500% more transmorphing in this movie. And nearly believable characters... aside from the fact that the director/writer (same as Paranormal Entity) was also the star, so all the women are praising him... so, this is a far better movie that the first one... although it's still terrible. This movie comes in two halves, the first being before the opening of the above movie, as is the better half (and features Bruce), the second part is after the invasion has begun, and severely degrades in every respect. If you must watch this (and you never must), stop after the first part. Or just never watch in the first place...

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