Harvay

Jimmothy Stewart? Quite the draw for a movie.

Elwood P. Dowd is a pleasent chap, if a bit odd. He has a friend in Harvey, a six foot rabbit. Life is pleasent for him. Life is rather more unpleasent for others who have to deal with Elwood and Harvey. To the extent of having Elwood committed to a sanitarium... but Harvey is a mischevious sort and so there is lots of shenannigans and escapades and people rushing about and... and finding themselves having a charming time.

This movie annoyed me for quite a while, with everything going well for Elwood and not for others, that sort of thing is just irritating. However, once you get into the groove that the movie is trying for making life better for everyone, I calmed down and got into it.

This was a play, and I can see that. Aside from Harvey, it's just people talking about things, just missing others as they pop on and off stage, no special effects needed.

If you can jive with it, it'll work, but it might be work to work...

[END]

Read more!

The goF

Sure, why not more John Carpenter!

One hundred years after a ship went missing, it returns, hooray! It also brings fog, moving in strange ways, more hooray! Oh, and death for anyone that crosses its path... hooray? We have a small town where the ship returns, and we follow a handful of people who are important to the story (important, in that they are on screen), and a lot of people who manage to escape by being off screen. One is a radio dj, another is a random driver (I'm sure he does something important, but I missed it) and a hitchhiker he picks up that goes where he does. The mayor and her aide, and one priest to round out... One of them are vital to solving this problem, and the others just try to survive.

What a cast eh? Adrienne Barbeau, Jamie Lee Curtis, Janet Leigh, Hal Halbrook... and John Houseman as someone I can't even remember seeing. The fog effect is straight forward, and the creature effects are decent (although we only get a tiny glimpse of them in close up).

The movie is a bit "supernatural just because" with no real explanation other than "so we can have a supernatural movie". This isn't terrible, but makes it hard to follow the story logically when the why is just "because that's what I wrote in the script."

Still, a cracker of a movie, check it out!

[END]

Read more!

X-Ray Man

Roger Corman just went for any ole script... but hey, it works.

Dr Xavier makes compound X, because names are hard, and it slowly gives him X-Ray powers! Being a doctor, that's really handy, until he accidentally kills someone (haven't we all), then the second half of the movie begins where Xavier tries to live in society, first as a wouldbe psychic, then healer, then gambler. It doesn't go well, but at least there's religion to give an answer.

This is almost Lovecraftian in that he begins to see beyond our normal sight into something far beyond what we are prepared for. The movie also nearly deals with the kinds of problems you would have if you have permanent x-ray vision, but I'm fairly sure he would have a lot more trouble just interacting with normal every day objects when you can see right through them.

Decent performances all around. No-one is going overboard, even Ray Milland keeps his doctor on the sedated side when mad cacophony was possible. And Roger Corman clearly knew who to talk to for the naked dancing scene, you naughty man!

Quite recommend!

[END]

Read more!

Wild Wobot

I'm just wild about robots...

Oh good, this movie allows me to bitch about something: animals cannot talk to each other! There is not one common tongue that all animals speak that once you decode how to talk with moose, you can then talk to squirrels or foxes, and have them all talk to each other too! It doesn't work like that!

Anyway, this robot lands on some out of the way place and tries to be a robot in a place of animals, when none of them have technological needs. After learning the language, the robot then accidentally commits near genocide and takes on the role of helping a young gosling grow up, with the aid of a fox. You know, as one does. However, where there is robot, there is evil corporation and, I'm sure many people have compared this film to Wall-E, and I'm right there with them.

Lupita Nyong'o has the main voice work, but I can't say I recognise her in this. Pedro Pascal is more notable. And there are a host of other voices to pick out: Bill Nighy, Matt Berry, Mark Hamill... 

It's all fine, but I can't say there's anything special here.

[END]

Read more!

Cat Song

[END]

Read more!

American London in Werewolf

This is one of them classics! (I haven't seen it before although some of it was familiar... huh.)

David and Jack are in the English countryside and encounter one of the scariest things of all... an unfriendly English pub! And a werewolf, but those things happen. David wakes up, Jack (who is dead) tells him he is a werewolf. David tells everyone he is a werewolf. And yet... no-one believes him! What is the world coming to? It takes two nights for people to finally accept there is a problem (and hey, some of those deaths on the second night is because of bad English driving, you can't blame that all on David!), and then twas beauty (and several guns) that killed the beast.

At one hour, we finally get the moment we all came for, the transformation... and it's worth the hype. That looks extremely well done, and very painful (as one would expect). I don't know how much of that was due to Frank Oz, but clearly there was talent involved in (and we even get a Muppet Show cameo... to the extent of they get credits!). [It was Rick Baker, of course.]

Fine performances all around. Some names I recognise now, and clearly the actors are having a lot of fun. (Oh, that is Rik Mayall!) 

Definitely an enjoyable treat.

[END]

Read more!

2 Joker 2 Folly

It's out on VOD, so it would be rude not to.

Arthur Fleck is in jail because... did he get captured at the end of the last movie? I can't remember and I'm not watching it again. Anyway, his lawyer is going for the "insanity defense" because Joker is a different personality. Certainly this film has two personalities, where one is in a musical, and it is unrelated to the other movie. Unreliable narrators are always fun. Heck, for a while I wondered if Lee would turn out to be imaginary too. Arther Fleck goes to trial, not a lot happens, then Joker goes to trial. And then the movie finally ends, over two and a quarter hours later. You may have heard about the ending already, certainly there was a lot online about it at the time, but that might just be me.

The joke of this movie is definitely on the audience for sitting through this. Whatever he says, Todd Phillips clearly did want to make this movie, and say something. Other people have dissected that, but I put it to you that this doesn't say anything at all other than Todd Phillips made another movie. It just goes on and on and...

And yes, it's a musical. People complain about Joaquin Phoenix's signing, but... eh, it was fine to me. Seemed a bit rough in parts, but I'm no singer either. Nice to see Steve Coogan still in things, and even Ken Leung gets a cameo. Of course, there is Lady Gaga, and I have no idea if she did this because Todd asked nicely, it was a paycheck, or she actually thought there was something worthy of her attention in the script. I couldn't see it.

I'm not recommending this movie. Unless you like watching people smoke cigarettes, 'cos there's a damn lot of that.

[END]

Read more!

Murder by Bells

Sometimes you see a trailer and go "I have to see this!" Fortunately, youtube...

We start immediately with a women in a train station answering a phone, and death! Her previous lecturer is asked to be nosy. and looks into it, and there are a few deaths by phone and he is the One True Hero and works out that phones are to blame. He hooks up with an artist who works at the phone company while investigating, and harasses a cop to help, but...

Yes, we do get the point where just a ringing phone installs a sense of dread. Is this someone calling to pass on information, or is this a call to cause someone to pass on? Since this is 1982 phones are everywhere, and there's lots of wires, so this is very plausible. (Although, even back then, people's phone numbers are 555-something.)

Richard Chamberlain is our hero, and he does have a rather heroic beard. We also get fine performances from others, and some fine cameos too (hello Barry Morse!). The phone death effect is quite the thing, and I'm sure there's one or more stunt performer that got a good gig out of this considering how far some of the people got thrown.

An oldie.. but a goodie!

[END]

Read more!

Demos

In the recent Steam NextFest there were some demos for games I might like, so I tried them.

Hail to the Rainbow: Post apocalyptic game where you are Ignat and... I'm not really sure what is going on. This game is very Russian and as such is rather obtuse. Especially the controls. So much stuff I missed because I wasn't expecting the controls to be what they are. We get at least two bits, the first part I got past, the second part I didn't because I had no idea what I was supposed to do.

Wishlist? No.

The House of Tesla: From the makers of House of Da Vinci, a puzzle house. We get one room, and the demo had a bug or two, so that's not a promising start. But I played those other games, so sure as anything I'm gonna play this.

Wishlist? Yes.

no signal: There's a signal from a black hole, and something happened to the station. I think. There is a lot of Lore, but it is rather disjointed. We get a bit of stuff to do but... I hate the gameplay. It is free moving in all three dimensions and the controls are just uncomfortable to move around with.

Wishlist? No.

Take Notes: Something happened in the bunker, and we are investigating. Fairly direct puzzle game but... I had to brute force quite a few of the puzzles. It's possible that I missed the clues, but there were many I looked over for, but couldn't find anything. Rather on the basic side, but... okay?

Wishlist? Currently yes.

[END]

Read more!

M T Mon

Creepy-pasta does not a good film make.

An ex-cop looks into the missing young woman and... wait, let me stop you there. Whenever that happens in horror movies either the young woman is the Special One and ends up ending the person looking for them, or the person looking ends up the Special One. As this is called the empty MAN guess which one this is. Because I guessed before the end of the movie and remained unsurprised.

This was a comic book by BOOM! Studios, and was made back in 2017, but counts 2020 as the release year. Delaying a movie really indicates they have a hit on their hands and want to build hype or... no, wait, yeah, it was the other thing. No-one was interested and they finally let it out.

Pity, as this started well, with a group of young hikers and supernatural happens... but then they cut to J. Random White Guy and a cult and it all just falls apart, even though they sprinkle in "hit internet thing kids are doing that could be trouble". This had a few good ideas, but mired it down in a lot of tedium. I will check out the comic, and hope that was a lot better (although knowing comic adaptations as I do, it probably just has the same name and the concept of an "empty" man, and that's about it).

Featuring people that reminded me of other people. They were fine, but there are no actors that can make parts of that script believable, and it certainly wasn't.

I watched this on D+, and the best thing I can say about it is that it was better than the movie it recommended straight after (which I also watched), The Night House.

[END]

Read more!

ReBoot ReWind

As I mentioned when talking about the remastered episode, there is an associated ReBoot documentary, ReBoot Rewind.

The full series is now available, although the playlist is in a weird order.

Anyway, episode one for your viewing:

[END]

Read more!

The Superstance

This is as subtle as a car crash... which it has!

Elizabath Sparkle is an over aged, cursed husk of a woman (age 50) and the industry has no use for women over than this century, so she takes a "substance" that kicks out a sort of clone of her, but younger. Who is really popular. And doesn't want to put up with her older self. That can only go well.

As much as this isn't about women getting old, and we briefly see an old man, this is about women getting old and not being in Hollywood any more. As much as you want to say it isn't just woman, we get Dennis Quaid and Old Shareholders having a fine ole time. And we have plenty of evidence of older men still acting whereas always need the new female hotness.

Demi Moore is still a fine actress and so is Margaret Qualley as they both are the same person (more or less, they don't talk about how they don't really look that alike - indeed if they did it might cause more problems for the story than they want to address). The prothestics and other effects are blended in well, and help sell everything.

This is one of those good "black comedy"s, in that you can actually tell it is a black comedy. Worth a watch!

[END]

Read more!

Prints of Darkess

More John Carpenter? Don't mind if I do!

Science or Religion? When an old priest dies, he bequets the key to Donald Pleasence (who is just called Priest), and said Priest then gets in a scientist to study a large vat of green liquid. The scientist decides to get a whole slew of students in, and they practice good science like not actually observing the item of interest, and talking about things instead of looking. However, that does allow various people to get possessed, and soon Father shall be here.

This reminded me of The Stone Tapes, of science trying to tackle the supernatural and not being able to cope (I need to rewatch that). It is extremely watchable, slowly drawing you in, but then the idiocy of the students does make it not at all surprising that the Prince is winning.

Aside from Donald Pleasence, we have Victor Wong, and other actors who have not done anything to make me recognise them, and a cameo by Alice Cooper! The vat, and other, effects are hard core, done by playing film in reverse, and the main prosthetic is the skin one of the students ends up wearing. Simple, but good.

I'm gonna say a hot take here: John Carpenter made good movies!

[END]

Read more!

Arktik Konvoy

How about a Nordic version of Greyhound?

It's 1942, and the Allies are trying to get supplies to the Russians, via naval convoy. However, the British, who are providing cover, get word that a big German warship is coming, and decide to peace out leaving the convoy on its own. We follow one Nordic ship as they decide to continue their mission, although not with everyone on the same page. So much so we get drama from the captain and second officer having different plans and different chances to be in charge.

This movie brings you in. We are just following one ship, but we get the sense of how the entire fleet feels... until everything is broken up. As ever with good drama, you can agree with the different people's decisions and while some people are very definite in their opinions, it is hard to say anyone is particularly "right" or "wrong".

One unusual thing... there was a woman in the crew! Two amazing things, a) I couldn't imagine an US crew doing that, and b) no-one acted creepy towards her, she was just another character with her own things going on. Oh, such a world we can live in...

So enjoyable if you are looking for a good not-english drama movie.

[END]

Read more!

Mr. Croket

Yes, okay "What if Mr Rogers, But Evil?" but... quite watchable!

Mr. Crocket is a children's entertainer, in that he entertains children. And cares for them. Like, if you are in trouble, he will help you. So if your parents aren't good to you, he will sort them out. And then you can stay with him forever! But, of course, the parents themselves might have a different view of that.

This is about the hardship of being a parent, you try, but sometimes you are pushed too far.. and then the system immediately punishes you. For some parents, that might be better, but there are a lot of people just trying. So while we see Mr. Crocket take out someone who deserves it, of course we are following someone who does actually care about her child.

Of note, these are black actors, so... I'm not sure how much of this is a black story. I'm not qualified to talk about that aspect, but in the general sense of "it can be tough to be a parent" I can understand that.

In many ways this is quite low budget, but it fits the story it is telling. It doesn't feel like it needs to go big with effects for the story, but what we get works well.

It's things like that that makes me sometimes try sub 90-minute movies.

[END]

Read more!

Mouthy Madness

Spooky month, so classic horrors to catch up, although may or may not blog them. But yes to this one from John Carpenter.

John Trent is a chap who finds people, or otherwise investigates them for insurance purposes. Now he is on the trail of the popular author Sutter Cane, with the aid of Linda Styles. They finally track him down to Hobbs End, and encounter some very strange people and events. And then can't leave. And then question the very nature of reality itself. No biggie.

Hey, Sam Neill! Well, that immediately gets bonus points from me. And the classy presence of David Warner... and the manic appearance of John Glover. And even Charlton Heston cameos.

The effects are pretty good as one would expect from Carpenter, but the unsettinglingness is from the nature of how people are acting rather than weird grotesqueries. Although the breathing wooden panel is a bit on the "too flexible to be real" side.

And the end... well, this is supposed to be Lovecraftian, but it is more "we are just going to give into the weird" rather than go for anything sensible.

[END]

Read more!

There was a Crooked film

This has gone through a few things, but since we all love Mike Mignola...

Back in 1959, Hellboy and Agent Jo ended up in Appalachia and get randomly caught up with witches an trying to deal with the Crooked Man. It's been years since I read the comic, so no idea how faithfully this follows that story. But there is one basic thing this movie does:

This feels like a fan film make by someone who cared way more about style over substance. Like, for every scene, the prime consideration was "where can I put the camera to make this an interesting (to me) shot"... and anything else, like coherent story telling, continuity, or making sure you can actually see what is going on, is at best fifth, if considered at all.

Jack Kasey is Hellboy and... he's fine? I guess? Definitely the fan film version of him. There are some perfectly fine performances in this all round, and the effects are fine as well. Just everything is fighting against the camera so it might be great but it's hard to tell.

This movie had the lowest budget, but since Mike Mignola didn't like the other movies, he apparently is on board for this? Let's go back to him not being involved.

[END]

Read more!

The Fle

Watch this movie to see something truely miraculous... Jeff Goldblum and Geena Davis having sex.

A random scientist sort of hits on a woman at a conference, and reveals to her the existence of teleportation... but fails to realise she is a journalist. What a genius! A journalist with a really scummy ex-boyfriend at that. Anyway, they have sex, and as a result the scientist knows how to teleport flesh, and does so... and merges himself at a fly (which is the premise of the movie after all). It can only end in love and harmony, really.

Well, it actually ends with some decent creature effects, but that is far too late, and after a not so decent creature suit Jeff Goldblum wears. We're here for a mutant man/fly hybrid, not Jeff Goldblum'ing all over the place! And this movie is rather disjointed in that we speedrun to get to the teleport, speed run the romance, but then spend a long time on Jeff and his disgusting hairs.

Both Jeff and Geena are... in this movie. Neither of them really seems to be that invested. John Getz does get to be scummy in his role, but doesn't do a lot here either. Aside from the momentary creature effects, this movie doesn't bother being that interesting.

Really, this is making me want to watch the original... and hey, there's a sequel to this one as well.

[END]

Read more!

aifairaidai

The family gets a nanny, but this time we skip straight to the robot!

Curtis is basically in advertising, and two AI people want to promote their not-Alexa substitute Aia. To do so, Aia is installed in his home, and it goes about integrated with him, his wife, and his three kids. Aia doesn't so much "go evil" as just start taking over everything, and when Curtis realises that it's going too far, he tries to stop it. However, technology is everywhere...

Why does noone ever think of Rule 0? This isn't a matter of Aia wanting to preserve itself, that's barely an issue, although the movie does try to pretend that it is. It's about Aia taking control of everything, and how willingly people let Aia do it, regardless of the consequences (which Aia quickly turns into what it wants anyway).

This has some true to like aspects such as "we have no idea what data it was trained on," but we are still so far from how intelligent, artifical or not, this will be. Let alone recognising that when it is trained on the internet, it will watch movies about evil AI and thus that will be what is modeled. You get out what you put in, people!

This is under 90 minutes, which is usually a warning, but Blumhouse isn't known for its long epics. John Cho and Katherine Waterson are good in this, and hey, Riki Lindhome! The effects are... ai'd. This is basically an excuse for the movie to use AI to do things, but when you need to have actual images be generated, I suspect this was more crafted than generated.

This movie is largely what you expect from the premise, but the short run time helps it not outstay its welcome.

[END]

Read more!

Subservant

An old story, now with AI!

The wife is in hospital, needing a new heart, so the husband gets in a temporary nanny to help with the family. Only problem is, the nanny has designs on the husband, and starts taking steps too far to keep him happy.

Notice that I didn't mention the nanny is a robot? Because it doesn't matter! It's the same story with evil nanny as has been told before. That it has AI now it just because it's 2024 and everything has to have AI now.

Is this the adult version of M3GAN? Like M3GAN grown up? But without the tiktok dance. I'll let others pursue that line of questioning, but this definitely feels like it could be the same universe... and certainly the same set up for sequel potential movies.

Megan Fox is the draw here, and she certainly is in this. As is Michele Morrone. And I kept thinking Madeline Zima was a slightly older Saoirse Ronan. People are fine. The effects are fine. Nothing is overdone in the special effects realm as the robots look just like us, just taking our jobs.

Nothing amazing to see here. Just more of the same, with a robot paint over.

[END]

Read more!

Moon Flying

It's a comedy! ... I guess?

Kelly is brought in to sell the moon, as NASA tries for landing people on the moon. The government is so set on having America on the moon, they'll fake it if they need to, and they decide they do. But Kelly falls in romance with the Flight Director, and so wuv will lead the way.

Scarlett Johansson and Channing Tatum are the leads in this, and in terms of romantic chemistry... they certainly are on screen together, sharing screens. Not that they have zero chemistry, but it's more like buddies than the romance partners they are trying to sell.

Speaking of selling, this is trying to sell itself as a comedy, and I aint laughing, so I aint buying. It was a nice light time, nothing heavy going on here, but the great comedy starts with Scarlett pretending to be pregnant and doesn't rise above that. You can tell what the story is going to do, and we wait for it to play out.

It's a fine time, but nothing amazing.

I do wonder if there is a standing set somewhere for the old mission control that Hollywood rents out, considering how often we get productions set in that time/place...

[END]

Read more!

Triangular Sadness

It's the vomit movie! Although there is over two hours where there is no vomit.

The lives of rich people are different. For a start, they are rich. We are introduced to two rich people who are rich because they are beautiful. That is all. Then we get the yacht, in which we have a whole bunch of rich people, the white staff who cosy up to them, and the island staff that actually do work (much like many cruises). After stupid events (including the well known projecting), we get them wrecked on an island... and oh, how the turns are tabled!

While the director wasn't wanting to make the rich people monstrous without social understanding, he did portray them as as without social understanding. You can't just order people around like puppets, but here we are. And then we get the view that as soon as you get any sense of power, you become corrupt. Acton's Law is still in effect.

Fine performances, and the ship sequences are good, but... at nearly two and a half hours, the main sadness is the runtime.

[END]

Read more!

Lady Scopios

Cynthia Rothrock was a big name back in the '80s as being one of the few leading white women martial arts actresses. (So few, I can't name another off the top of my head.) While I haven't seen those, I have seen her movie from 2024.

This movie is not subtle. There's a father-son gang where the father is trying to live his life, and the son is fucking things one. One such way is getting Agent Moore's family involved. Problem is, she, and her daughter, are both martial arts masters, and so there is a lot of hand to hand combat as they deal with the gang to get the daughter's daughter back.

This is very 80's throwback. This isn't a complicated set up, this is just an excuse for fight scenes, but it works because it isn't trying to be more than that. Cynthia can kick all the ass, and Caitlin Dechelle is no slouch either. The bad guys are mostly bad, led by Jeff Fahey, and the son, played by Jose Manuel, is not exactly filling a rich role, but does fine. David W Rice gets a nice bit to do, and is the most likeable of the lot.

This is not going to win awards, but it is a fun time!

[END]

Read more!

ReBooted

ReBoot ReWind is a documentary series look at the history of the TV show ReBoot. As part of their process, they got their hands on the original files for the episodes, and remastering them in full HD. While there are episodes on YouTube, and AI Upscaling, this is the actual episode.

I suspect this is just a taster, and not going to put all the episodes up, but a) have the documentary available first, and then b) have the episodes for buying (on BluRay?). But either way, you can enjoy the first episode of the series...

Hang on, it looks exactly as I remember! They didn't do anything!

[END]

Read more!

Whatpot?

It's a comedy with Awkwafina and John Cena, it has potential!

Katie Kim wins the Jackpot, and as this is Calefornia, if people kill her, they get her money. Noel tries to help her / protect her and... that's it. That's the concept of the movie, and they don't go deep.

I watched this, hoping to get a few laughs, but the main humour is a mixture of "look at how these people fight in a funny way" and "making fun of John Cena".

This is just a nothing of a movie...

[END]

Read more!

Buttlegeist Buttlegeist

I rewatched the first movie. It's really good. Takes a little to get going, but once it does, it goes! However...

It's been many years. Lydia has a ghost show and a daughter, and is still seeing ghosts. Charles dies, and Delia, Lydia and Astrid are drawn back to the house which has the ghost with the most. Astrid meets a cute kid and.. the audience is about five steps ahead at this point, and the movie is already half over before it barely begins the main storyline.

It does have plenty of other storylines. Monica Bellucci is in this, doesn't matter. Willam Dafoe is in this, doesn't matter. Most of the actors in this don't matter! Catherine O'Hara is being her extra self/character. Winona Ryder is looking permanently bewildered all the time. Jenna Ortega gets most of the main plot, but her characterisation consists of reminding us her dad died. And Jeffrey Johns has rightly fucked off.

Michael Keaton is having fun, but he seems to be the only one. The movie cuts to him every now and then to remind you he is in the movie, but doesn't actually do anything until the final act of the movie. A lot of which is a musical number that is as unsubtle as the Weird Al song I kept thinking of.

Parts of this movie are quite fun. But also a lot of this movie just could have been cut without any harm.

[END]

Read more!

Oddily

Shudder horror movie? How unusual!

In a far away, overly large house, a woman is killed. Her sister finds out it isn't quite as people reported, and the wife's husband has himself a new woman, and there is more going on... and there's a large wooden man.

Shudder horror movies have a very consistent throughline: that of having potential, but not quite getting there. And apparently this particular movie is related to other short movies the director has done, so this isn't even stand-alone movies!

There is stuff going on, but.. the thing is, it is just stuff going on. Apparently the supernatural is a thing, but the appplication of the supernatural is very... disjointed. Just picking bits and pieces, without any real sense of consistency. There are ghosts, but... they don't mean anything? There are psychics, but... people accept them but don't care? There are golems, but nothing special about them either.

It's a mess of a story that is only fully graspable because there isn't much to it.

[END]

Read more!

The Jeneral

Classic Buster Keaton schtick!

It's the war, and Buster Keaton wants to sign up to please his paramour, but they don't want him! (For good reasons that they don't explain - so the movie can happen!) He is left driving trains, and when the other side get ahold of his precious engine, he goes after them, by himself, and to get his kidnapped girlfriend (although he doesn't realise it at the time). Then there is the tricky matter of getting back before something bad happens, to him, his side, and his train.

I'm a big cagey about the side because... he is working for the South! Although, to be honest, this easily could have flipped the uniforms and have exactly the same movie. [Although this is based on a true story, which makes it harder to pretend.]

That aside, we get some great gags and damn some of those bits would have needed incredibly precise timing. On a train, and no CGI trickery here! Buster does his bits, Marion Mack is the leading lady and gets her own bits (whether she wanted them or not), and there were others in the film.

This is in public domain now, so should be easy to find a copy, although try for a quality reprint. It's worth it!

[END]

Read more!

Bomberlands

Oh dear. I see why people are not excited...

Lillith is hired to rescue Tiny Tina, but then teams up with her to get to the Vault before the bad guys do. Because when you are trying to stop people unlocking something, what you definitely want to do is collect all the keys, and not dispose of them at all.

I haven't played the games, but I could tell some parts when the movie went "hey, remember this from the game? Huh? HUH!!!" because those were all the moments where the movie stopped pretending to do something relevent and pause to do something. Like whenever the psycho spoke, I feel that was all lines from the game, and didn't mean a thing.

And speaking of not meaning a thing, this plot is a complete mess. Voice over doesn't mean that the movie has problems, but voice over, with excessive exposition, and obvious ADR patching in scenes does mean they were trying to cover up something. No blame on the actors here, it was Covid times, what the hell, get the paycheck and run. Just hope no-one is relying on residuals here.

The best sign? That this went straight to VOD before even leaving the theatres... so if you haven't seen it yet, clearly wait for it to hit free streaming, 'cos I doubt it's that far away either.

[END]

Read more!

It's a Tarp!

New M. Night? Can you guess the twist? I couldn't...

The nicest dad in the world takes his daughter to a concert, but spots a high police presence. Due to being the likeable person ever, he finds out they are here hunting the Butcher... oops, that's him! And so we get a sort of cat and mouse game as he tries to escape. And then... you won't believe what happens.

'cos I want to spoil the big ending... wait, let's rot13 this. Gurer vf ab gjvfg! Abguvat bs abgr unccraf! Guvf vf gur zbfg trarevp zbivr raqvat rire! Guvf vf whfg frggvat hc n frdhry!

Okay, that out of my system, yep, Josh Harnett's character is the friendliest person you'll ever meet. He feels a little too lucky to get away with what he does, but it isn't entirely without cause. Ariel Donoghue is a young girl. And Saleka Shyamalan is indeed very believable as M. Night's niece (actual daughter). In fact, if this whole movie was written around giving Saleka a fake concert to sing at, I'll 100% believe that.

I'm not mad at this movie. I'm just disappointed.

[END]

Read more!

Short, and yet...

I like games I can just zen out to, your Powerwashers, your Viscera Cleanup Detail, so I picked up WereCleaner and decided to see if it was that kind of game.

You are a cleaner, yes, but you are also a werewolf, and if someone sees you, you kill them! ... and then have to clean up the bodies (continued employment!). The cleaning is basic, spray water, vacuum trash, and bag animals. But...

It's isometric. Just something about isometric controls just straight up annoys me. I just want to go up or left, not hold down up&left! And the screen is really close up. When a big mechanic is "avoid people" (No Kill is an extra challenge per level), you need to be able to see when people are close, but you can't. Just all of a sudden someone walks in on you, and you kill and have to deal with the body. I got things to do, I would avoid them, but it is more luck than design.

The levels are short, just go to a few places, and clean up, so you can race through it quite quickly. And given the number of stars is based on how quick you are, speed is important. But then we hit the last level. At least, I assume it is the last level. I gave it several tries, but failed constantly, to the point where I'm thinking if you succeed, it will be more luck than anything else.

So I gave it a go, clocked some cheevos more or less incidentally, and... uninstalled it without finishing. And short of this blog post, I plan no more thoughts on it. Well, maybe watch an LP to see the ending, but no interest in playing it myself.

[END]

Read more!

Legslong

This is one of them big horror movies, it seems, and amazingly isn't from A24.

Lee Harker is an agent with the FBI, and ends up joining the group looking for Longlegs, a supposed killer that has already claimed several families. She has rather an unusual connection with the case, and it seems like there is more connections with her past than she remembers.

I do wonder if the main reason this has some reknown is because it has Nicholas Cage attached to it. He's a producer, and is in it as the Longlegger himself, albeit in a fair bit of latex on his face, but it is clearly still him, and for people wanting a loud performance from him, he does give it. However, he's not the main focus, Maika Monroe has that job. She is... fine? Blair Underwood does a good agent too. I feel like I should know Alicia Witt from something, but not sure what.

This is a long walk of a movie [sigh, no doubt puns will occur] but it doesn't go anywhere.

[END]

Read more!

Outside In 2

I'm getting really confused about these movies... wait, is that an emotion?

Riley goes to Hockey Camp, but also experiences puberty and so also gets new emotions. Which makes things a mess, and so we have the battle of the old emotions vs the new emotions! Who will win? Fight for Riley, fight, fight, fight!

So the Emotions control Riley, but she is also her own person and does her own thing? And the emotions feel emotions too? I really can't keep track of what this movie is trying to have us understand. And there are Imaginations? And mind police creatures? The analogy of people inside your head controlling you only goes so far and it fell off a cliff for me in this movie.

There are still some good bits in here, but I'm going to place a lot of the heavy lifting for that on the music. I definitely noticed it during the more emotional (in the usual Pixar sense) scenes. And I'm not saying they didn't work, just that I could tell what was going on.

Voices... everyone is fine. I have no idea how many people came back from the first movie, but they seem the same? And the art style is consistent, so that's good. (Probably helps that this is a closer sequel than some have been... looking at you, Incredibles!)

It's fine, but... I'm just not tracking everything properly here.

[END]

Read more!

Twosters

Wow, this is such an original movie.

Addy likes to chase tornadoes/ride horses/climb cliffs/defuse bombs, but a disasterious moment kills her friends. Years later, she is pulled back to chase tornadoes/hunt tigers/fly jets/jump stunts, and can she get back her mojo?

Yep, I realise that is so incredibly generic a description, but this is so generic a movie. It really could have been any other hundreds of movies, just that this one features tornadoes and a hunky guy with a western accent that heals her heart.

From a production point, this is fine. Tornadoes look real enough, people have trouble driving around in them, people being sucked into tornadoes look funny and totally real.

No doubt this was made because of money, as I can't think of any other reason for it to exist.

[END]

Read more!

/ | | | \ Wombulus

So this is more of an actual sequel to Alien than the rest of the franchise... read on for if that is a good or bad thing.

Life sucks on a company planet, so when a space ship is nearby with the gear to get out of there, you'd be a fool to pass up on that opportunity, and these teens (no, they are not teens, but-) are no fools. However, you wouldn't believe this, on the ship are some Xenomorph stuff, and, guess what, this gives rise to an Alien that presents a threat they have to deal with.

Okay, so no doubt someone will say "Always has been" but this is basically "Teens visit a Horror House". Exact same vibes, and many of the same plot points! Complete with "you did this to yourselves" and "why are you doing that?" This has space stuff painted over it, and a Giger monster, but still...

But this is also the first movie again. Space ship, alien creature, running around a lot of corridors, and bits reminiscent of the previous movies, this is exactly the sort of sequel that is the first movie again, complete with quotes that are said because characters said them in earlier movies. This is exactly the sort of sequel we would normally get to a movie, where it is the same thing again, which shows up how much they mixed it up for the other movies in this franchise.

The cast is fine, although the character of Andy is coded a neuro-divergent I'll leave to others to say if that is a good thing or not. However, on the production side, this is one damn dark movie. There are lots of lingering shots of "look at this" but dang if I could see what they wanted me to see. And the dialogue got crushed in a lot of places, I was wanting subtitles just to follow what was going on!

This could have been a good movie, but given the range of what we've seen, this feels like "just another movie" and not something special.

[END]

Read more!

Bbbbad Bbboys: Ride or DON'T

I do wonder how much this movie is just Martin and Will wanting to hang out together.

After Mike's wedding, Marcus gets a vision that a movie is about to happen... and then they find out their old boss was dirty. Clearly, that is rubbish, so time to go on the run to find out what really is going on and...

This movie feels very long. I was half-way through it and already felt I had been watching it for ages. This is just under two hours, but I'm fairly sure a good (bad?) thirty minutes could be chopped out without anything missing. Mainly excuses for set pieces for "comedy" action, with a big stretch to get there for many of them.

This feels a lot like a sequel to BB3... although it only feels like it, I can't say for sure, 'cos I haven't seen the other movies since ages, so went in purely on vibes, and this movie just has so many characters I'm sure we're supposed to care about because we already know them. Nope, remember them not at all. And hey, the two male leads have grown up male children so that... there can be action pieces of guys fights a bunch of people without having to pretend that Martin or Will could do that.

This movie doesn't feel like we needed it. Will there be a BB5? Possibly, the next time Martin and Will want to share a project again.

[END]

Read more!

Despic Him Foor

Basically... a total waste of a movie.

Hey, what if Gru has to pretend to be a normal person, wouldn't that be funny? How about Lucy (I had to look her name up, 'cos I didn't remember it) had to be a normal person, wouldn't that be funny? What if the minions were super-beings, I bet that is a great source of comedy! Oh, and give Gru a kid! Everyone loves it when Gru has a baby to deal with. And a random heist scene with a random person. And a bad guy to randomly cut to for a while before defeating... Yeah, that's a movie!

This is just a random collection of scenes they put together to... fill a 90 minute runtime? I guess? It is not good, it has no cohesion, just random nothingness. Will Farrell is wasted. Stephen Colbert is barely a cameo. Joey King is in this and that might mean more if I could remember what else she's done. But, hey, John DiMaggio for a few seconds!

Could you tell I didn't like this movie? It probably made lots of money, and there will be billions more, and minions and everything (they attempted to do the minions again with cockroaches, but fortunately they put as much time into that concept as they did the rest of the movie, i.e. sod all)... but this isn't something anyone should bother with.

[END]

Read more!

Shush! Part One!

John Krasinski was less involved in this, and it kinda shows. But I will give away straight up: the cat survives.

Samira is just trying to survive (I think she has cancer? The movie probably makes this clear, but I didn't pick up on it) although she hasn't got many days left. When aliens arrive she decides to go get pizza, and ain't nothing going to stop her.

This movie... could have been anything really. Some disaster happens, and Samira has to survive the new situation. But it could have been any disaster, random aliens, zombies, whatever the infected from Omega Man were, whatever, and this would have been exactly the same. Even though the schtick of these creatures are they hear everything, that same thing has been done with zombies more than once.

Which isn't to say the core is a bad story. Lupita Nyong'o does a great job as Samira, Joseph Quinn does all right as Eric, but there's nothing here to stand out because the whole story isn't standing out.

There can be a billion of these, but I damn well hope the next one has an actual relevant point!

[END]

Read more!

!Mac!Gruber!

Another Lonely Island related movie! Wow, these are stacking up! Although this isn't featuring the LI crew as much.

Small confession: I did think this was a made up movie that other people referred to in order to refer to a movie that wouldn't get them in trouble for mentioning. So I was more than a little surprised to actually watch it.

This is very much 80s style "retired action hero is brough back for another mission" and this just leans heavily into that, not trying to be anything else. However... the big problem here is the comedy. The comedy is very much "hey, wouldn't it be weird if he did this? Action heroes don't do that!" and that's about the extent of it. It may have more than one note, but it repeats those notes over and over again.

The lead is Will Forte and ... he is the lead of this movie. I know nothing about him. I barely know more about the other male lead Ryan Phillipe. But hey, I did know Kristen Wiig. And we also get Val Kilmer and Powers Boothe! The action is a lot more than the previous movie, with a lot of explosions and guns and other action, and even celery. But it's all in service of the comedy.

Shame that this is real, really.

Hear the Lonely Island (and Seth Meyers) talk about it here.

[END]

Read more!

Hottie Roddie

The Lonely Island has a podcast, and during the episodes they talk about the movie they did. Hot Rod. Wait, they did a movie?

Rod has extreme father issues, and deals with it by trying to become a stunt man like his father was. Only, he's just a kid, really, in a small town, so he is barely able to ride into a pool, no chance of over it. But his step-father has a heart problem, so he has to stunt harder than ever to raise money to cure him... so he can kick his step-father's ass!

When your step-father is played by Ian McShane, yeah, he's a hard case that could kick your arse any time. So there are some big names here...

But really, this is the Saturday Night Live cast playing almost every major role. Aside from Andy Sandberg in the main role, with Jorma Taccone as his brother, we have Danny McBride, Bill Hader, Will Arnett, Chris Parnell, and no doubt many others I don't know. At least Isla Fisher is new as the love interest.

While it is a small town movie, it is still a human interest story. Rod is relatable as a stupid kid that is trying to do something in the world, and having a step-father not being evil is a step up in the movie world.

The production is light weight, but then this was put together quite quickly and done very much on the cheap and in between seasons. Still, well done!

You can hear the Lonely Island (with Seth Meyers) talk about it here. Part 1 and Part 2.

[END]

Read more!

See these Eggs NOW!!!

See something about this?

These are all "easter eggs" videos. Understandable because it's current, so got to get those clicks. (Note: I haven't clicked.)

But... these came out right after the movie launched... so how did they have the time to find and detail all those easter eggs? Sit through several screenings straight away?

And if they have images (I haven't checked, because, as I said, I haven't watched), where did they get images from? Camera pointed at the screen? Some have done that (I saw an "Ending explained!" video). That feels... wrong. Or they got a hold of the actual film file somehow, which is... how? One big channel might, but not all of these.

This is a need for clicks, but I disbelieve all this was done above board. But... they need the clicks!

[END]

Read more!

Deaderine & Wolvpool

Not the first available screening, but the second day, still, got there.

I went into this without having seen the final trailer that apparently gave away a lot of the stakes, and also deliberately skipped reviews, and I think I am the better for it. Yes, we can have the whole "spoilers don't matter" discussion, but sod it, I went in unknowning, so I'm not going to explain it to you.

This is a fine outing for Ryan Reynolds and Hugh Jackman. Have to say that Hugh does get some more emotional scenes than Ryan does, so be ready for those. There are some amazing camoes I knew nothing about, so I won't say anything other than "damn, they look fine!". Although they clearly wanted Richard E. Grant over Matthew Macfadyen.

And yes, a lot of humour, R-rated so. Indeed, Event Cinema kept saying "This is R16, so have photo id ready!" Didn't see anyone checking for id, but then I can't say I saw anyone suspiciously young. But yeah, lots of laughs to be had, as well as cheers.

Overall, the story is... well, meh, to be honest, but this isn't a movie you are going to for a deep plot. It is Deadpool after all. Definitely enough to keep going, but more something to string everything together.

If you can hold out for the D+ release, that's fine, this isn't something you need to see in the theatre... but this is something that people can give away a lot of the best reveals to.

[END]

Read more!

Apes of the Kingdom of the Planet

I eventually got around to seeing this... and I have questions... some of which are even answered!

Noa is good ape, he lives with his clan, he has father issues... then Proximus Caeser wipes out his clan and so he goes on a revenge streak. Which sort of happens. He teams up with the human of the movie, and together they deal with the second half of the movie together. (Hmm... two togethers... eh, I'm gonna leave it.)

I have to say, the human manages to have quite good clothing standards, even if clothes are still around that it dubious... but we do get an answer for that. And how she knows so much. And that that background will lead to another movie definitely where humans and apes clash again. So that will be coming.

More impressive, with less explanation, is that a wooden bridge is still standing. Do the apes maintain it? Do they understand bridge setups? 'Cos that bridge should not still be standing after "many generations". Yes, I actually thought about this during the movie.

But all that aside, I did wonder how this was an Apes movie at first. It could have been any story, and yes universal ideas, but this isn't any movie, this is in the Apes franchise! Fortunately, we get there and... I enjoyed it! Yes, even after all the complaining above, I did enjoy this. Well performed, well CGI'd, well done all around.

I don't miss seeing this in the theater, so check it out when you can, and no doubt in a few years we will get another one.

[END]

Read more!

Axle efF

As threatened, let's watch! No, I'm not going to do a full break down because this movie is not several decades old (yet).

This is following the previous movie, we have a Detriot thing, then out to Beverly Hills. Hey, they even reference the other movies! (I assume, still haven't seen them.) But this is very current day, Axel even has a daughter now! But as this is 2024, it's about dirty cops (and the main bad guy is IMMEDIATELY obvious - but everyone knows it).

The jokes... the jokes just don't work. They did back in '84, but now this is just a sad old man trying to be funny again, and it does not work. On the plus side, they got back a LOT of the actors from the first movie (even Bronson Pinchot!), and it's great to see them again, after having just seen them earlier in the week and 40 years ago! But they have aged a lot (haven't we all). I do welcome Joseph Gordon-Levitt to the cast.

This is better than the Indiana Jones disaster, but... not by much. I was hoping this was going to be a throwback to '80s style, but they updated it and... it doesn't cut any mustard.

Oh, and Theme count: 10. Although they did more different rearrangements than I spotted last time.

Dammit... I'm gonna go watch the intervening movies...

[END]

Read more!

Bevvy Hills Cop

With the "sequel" just out (there were many sequels), I decided to check out the original first.

It's a classic (well, classic now) start with Foley doing a deal, the police chase him... and he turns out to be a cop! Wow! That's been used to much now! Heading home after the failed bust (theme tune count: 1), there's an old friend waiting for him, but after some banter, he gets taken out, and Foley decides to look into the case... in Beverly Hills, that's where he wants to be! He Axel's his way into a hotel and later into the bad guy's lair (theme tune count: 2), and yes, it's obvious this is the bad guy. He's arrested by the local cops (theme tune count: 3), and meets the other buddy cops. After banana'ing their car, he heads to the warehouse (theme tune count: 4) where he finds the plot. He gets the minions to do his paperwork, but that scene goes nowhere. He swaps out buddy cops for a second pair, tails the bad guy (theme tune count: 5) but is arrested again. Axel gets all the cops together, explains the plot, barely gets one buddy cop on side, and goes back to the warehouse (theme tune count: 6) where the token woman of the movie gets kidnapped. They all head to the bad guy's place to rescue her (theme tune count: 7) where they have a full on 80s gun fight. The bad guys gets shot, and fortunately everything turns out all right, huzzah!

Most people remember Eddie Murphy (of course) and Judge Reinhold, but we also have Ronny Cox, Steven Berkoff, Jonathan Banks, Bronson Pinchot, Paul Reiser, and one Damon Wayans. And a full on soundtrack of 80s hits that would overflow a CD.

Still enjoyable, even today, it's a fun movie where even the bumbling cops aren't terrible. I'm going to jump over all those other sequels and go straigh to the Netflix movie...

And I'm not sure I caught all instances of the theme tune, but you know it:

[END]

Read more!

Doctor Who Exhibition

We had a Doctor Who Exhibition come to town, so of course I had to go! While there certainly were props from the show (and I took lots of photos), this was also a chance for them to get into various bits of science, and about a 1/3 of the things were science related, with maybe a Doctor Who link.

They did get Mark Gatiss to do some host segments, and Zoe Wannamaker to do a Cassandra cameo, so that's nice.

There was a good mix of classic and new Who stuff, with an understandable focus on the more recent series (because that would be an easier source of props).

Full collection of photos here.

[END]

Read more!

Monolith Monsters

I was listening to Hypnogoria talk about this movie in his Universal Horrors series, and it appealed to me as something to watch!

A meteor strikes down in the desert, scattering black rock around. It seems harmless enough until someone gets a sample wet, and then the stone grows until it falls down, shatters, spreading more of it. And people become petrified by it. Geologist Dave Miller gets onto it, but can he work out what is causing it? And more importantly, how to stop it? And then it rains...

This is a cracking wee adventure. No bug eyed monsters or enlargened insects, just some "natural" events happening. It's only 77 minutes, but it keeps up the pace and is better than many a movie one could name today.

It's probably due to what I've been consuming recently, but this could have easily been a Doctor Who adventure, of the Third Doctor and UNIT. This would be right up their alley.

Some times, the oldies are goodies.

[END]

Read more!

Furry Osha

No, I didn't see it in the theaters, but it already has come out on VOD!

There was one overriding motive for Furiosa in the previous movie, and here we find out how that all started. And it's a long road (sic) to get from here to there. We see the five stages of grief (probably, I'm sure someone made that analogy), as young CGI Anya Taylor-Joy goes into non-CGI Anya Taylor-Joy... and it's a story of killing one man because of a life she made.

And yes, let's be honest, this looks fantastic! George Miller knows what he is doing, of course, so it's all very stunning to look at. Although... *looks around warily* the story is a bit on the basic side. Not that this needs to be Shakespeare, but we get the basic idea, and that's all there is.

ATJ is ... I'm just going to go with fine. She sits, and stares, and that's about the extent of it. Chris Hemsworth is having fun. Tom Burke is decent, but rather one-note.

Overall.. yeah, it's fine. People have already raved enough about this, and more will. But... to me, it's just fine.

[END]

Read more!

Generic Train Shuttle Robot Toy...

As a kid, I had an Astrotrain. Great 'bot. Is it the size of a train? The size of a shuttle? Who cares! But that was then... and this is now. Where knock off versions are available!

Who's the mean machine in grey and green.. er, purple?

Could you, would you, fight him as a train?

Could you, would you fight him as a plane? (okay, a shuttle, but that doesn't rhyme as well).

Well, he'd fight a Dalek for ya!

[END]

Read more!

Eyeph

Was this a John Krasinski vanity project or a Ryan Reynolds vanity project? Why not both!

While dealing with her dad in hospital a young girl (she's 12... is she a kid? is she a young adult? the movie goes back and forth depending on the emotion of the scene) finds some Imaginary Friends and tries to help them. Which no-one questions what's going on, or why this young girl suddenly turns up all over the place.

John Krasinski is in total sweet mode here, being the dad as well as writer and director (the mum dying was pretty much telegraphed during the opening montage, so I wasn't surprised she didn't make it). Ryan Reynolds is very much trying to be a kid friendly star here, with lots of slapstick and schtick to have something he can show kids that isn't just him swearing... and nearly does it. Cailey Fleming has the star role and she's fine.

And there's, of course, a whole slew of big names as voices of the IFs, because recording lines in a booth is pretty easy work in comparison. And let's have a shout out for the CGI crew that put everything together for the screen.

It's fine, but it's no Drop Dead Fred... and yeah, I saw the twist coming a mile away...

[END]

Read more!

Wonky

It was there, so I watched it.

Timothée Chalamet is a chap in a purple jacket that can bend the laws of reality around him, and we're supposed to be amazed when he ends up in a wash house. Which isn't a problem, but there's this Chocolate Cartel and corrupt cops because of course there are (although there is only one corrupt cop, who becomes fat, because as we all know people in fat suits are funny!). But everything is fine, because the secret is it was the friends we made along the way.

This is a twee movie. But it is American twee... which means it's not a good twee. Even though this is English. Certainly there are a lot of big English names in this, Olivia Colman, Paterson Joseph, Rowan Atkinson, Simon Farnaby, Charlotte Ritchie, and of course Hugh Grant in an abomniable CGI performance. And Keegan-Michael Key for the USians. Great names, great actors, what the heck are they doing in this? Cashing an easy paycheck, hopefully.

It looks all right, quite pretty... and there are the songs.. I don't mind the songs themselves, but I don't like being teased with Pure Imagination every five minutes. Get your own music!

But after all this.... hopefully we won't get the Wonkaverse now?

[END]

Read more!

Posssum

Garth Marenghi did a movie? Well, no, but Matthew Holness did!

Philip is a strange man, who made a puppet. A puppet he wants to destroy. He returns to his old home, to try to do so. But his uncle is there. And so is his past. And it's all unpleasent.

Garth may be black comedy, but this is just black. (If is it comedy, it's way over my head.) Instead it is a portrayal about childhood horrors and dealing with your past. Where your past is represented by a spider puppet with a manniquin head. It's weird is what it is. I would almost say "Lynchian" but that's for better movie scholars than me to compare. Certainly a lot of odd composition of shots and rather jumping around narration, which feels on point for that director.

Sean Harris is playing the lead role, and he does so wonderfully with great affectation. Alun Armstrong is the undle, and is more than suitably creepy. It's a simple shot, mainly in a rather run down area of the country, and the big effect is the puppet... which is also creepy.

Quite a different tone from his other works, but I can believe that Matthew Holness did this, and it is right on spot for him.

[END]

Read more!

I Protest!

Save our Jobs - Stop the cuts!

People over profits - Stop the cuts!

So we had a wee protest yesterday... and people were there

When workers rights are under attack - Stand up, Fight Back!

And since I was there, I have some comments.... first, being on a Saturday, great so us public servants could be there, but that did mean not a lot of goverment was actually disrupted. And we walked down Tory Street, so the amount of traffic disturbed was... not a lot, aside from a few intersections.

Hey hey, ho ho - This backwards budget's got to go!

I was near the back, so had this big sound going on... which did make it hard to hear there was chanting, let alone join in.

When they say cut back - We stay fight back!

Cut back! - Fight back!

Cut back! - Fight back!

It looks like a good turnout. However, we'll see if anything happens from this.

[END]

Read more!

The MCU Issue

Talking about Marvel and their issues with trying to get their MCU happening...

A problem, to me, is that we have this media (tv and movies) trying to ape their source, which is... I dunno, 100 comics a month pumping out new stories? Half of which are Spiderman, 2/3rds are X-Men and the rest are everything else.

At least when they are just doing one property, eg XMen or Blade, they were contained and didn't need to worry about the larger universe. But now they want to have interconnectivity across everything, and just aren't getting there.

As much as the problem was "putting out too much" in many ways they weren't putting out enough. You need lots of stories happening if you want to capture the heroes by themselves as well as crossing over, and frankly if they really wanted to, Disney could have several movies and shows in production if they wanted to, but the other side is that costs, a hell of a lot more than comics do, so they can't go down that route.

You end up with as much as an MCU is a good idea in theory, you just can't keep the supply up to meet the demand of what people want. (Which is quality of stories as well as quantity of stories.)

[END]

Read more!

T^-1^Omen

Oh, hey, this is on Disney, okay I'll watch it there!

A young woman joins a convent in Italy as part of her religious journey, but discovers there is a kid that is a "bad child". Along the way she finds there is a particular sect with their own ideas about how to bring people back to the church, but their plans threaten to overwhelm her.

The conceit of this movie is that they need to breed a proper female vessel before they can breed the antichrist. This aligns with some fundamental Christian beliefs that because Jesus came from an Immaculate Birth then Mary also had to be an Immaculate Birth because how could something not-immaculate give birth to a proper immaculate being (don't ask about Mary's parents, I have no idea). And the main character in this movie is called Margaret. Yeah, I saw the big "twist" coming, although I'm not sure if anyone was supposed to be surprised by it and didn't see it coming?

There are also a few beats from the previous movies, such as a caring figure killing themselves, and strange deaths happening to some. But the whole movie just peaks at around 80/90 minutes and just continues just spinning wheels, playing out the required plot for the rest of the running time.

This movie oddly has big names in it, Charles Dance, Bill Nighy, Ralph Ineson... not sure why they signed on, I can't say this is a super big franchise (although I've clearly watched them).

I have no idea if there will be more. There could be a sequel, of a sort, with characters from this, but frankly they should properly reboot the whole thing into the current time.

[END]

Read more!

At las-t

I wasn't planning on talking about this, but there is some stuff I had to say.

J-Lo is Atlas, an AI analyst who has a troubled past. Her mother created an AI robot that turned on humanity then left for Atlas to grow up. When she's an adult she tracks down the robot to a far off planet which is no trouble to get to, but they are all attacked when there. To survive, she has to pair with a mech suit and together they have to somehow find a way to take the robot down.

In her youth Altas had a tragic love experience, and now much learn to love again to overcome her troubled past... I mean "trust AI". Certainly I obviously can't say this is a reductive story where a woman has to love again, but some how I just did.

No, this is all about AI. She had trouble with AI in her youth, and must learn to trust AI again. Yep, that's definitely an original story and not just an unoriginal idea with a post-it note of "AI" slapped on it.

J-Lo is.. in this movie. I have no idea what she's been doing, but she said yes to this. Simu Liu is here as the evil robot, and he doesn't do anything at all (but cash in the cheque, I guess?). Slacking off from MCU is easy! We do have Sterling K. Brown and Abraham Popoola giving fun performances (in that they at least seemed to be having fun here). Mark Strong is here, not as Sinestro, but I guess he can't be Sinestro in everything?

This movie certainly continues the AI theme by everything being computer generated aside from the actors themselves. I'm sure there are other physical things they were in, but everything else is bland, brown, and generic computer asset.

This is on Netflix, one of their "let's throw money at films and hope to make it back". Best of luck, but I don't think this is going to be one of those hits.

[END]

Read more!

Uncivil Wah

Alex Garland tells a non-politcal story about a war... what? I'm exaggerating about his intent, but... not by much.

There is a war in America when Texas and California join forces and... okay, wait right there. That would never happen under any criteria, so even as much as you just want a casual backdrop to put your movie against, when you start with something so stupid, you so completely undermine your own movie people are never going to take you seriously.

But anyway, a group of journalists want to travel across the country to interview the President, who does not give interviews, because they think a big event will come up that will be a final(?) big push. We follow them as they travel and encounter various eff-up situations and try to be journalists in the face of all this. In particular, we have two harded journalists, one at-the-end journalist, and a youngster who wants to become a war journalist.

So this movie nearly has something to say about being a war journalist. Especially with the newbie coming to grips with what the hardened people have to deal with, and seeing that even the hardened people are barely coping. But it doesn't quite get there, and this idea would be better as a documentary (of which there already are some) or, if you really want to get in and show off action sequences, then a biopic or something.

But we also have the American Civil War aspect of this and... in this regards the movie has entirely shot itself in the foot by just trying to be "war is bad" and not being about any war in particular, and has nothing to say or do with the concept of this being an American civil war. That concept totally has legs, yes, along the more obvious lines, but this is just nothing in comparison with what it could be.

Kirsten Dunce is good, Wagner Moura is annoying, Stephen McKinley Henderson is fantastic, and Cailee Spaeny has a career in front of her. The director wanted to show off them in war situations and also get cool action shots to pump up the action side of it.

So he wants his cake and to eat it too, and has neither.

[END]

Read more!

Ministers of Gentle Warfare

Ah, the movie where Henry Cavill IS James Bond!

Gus is a hardcase, but when Britain needs someone to carry out an unsanctioned mission against the Nazis, he's the chap they get. He gathers his own small crew of men, and they go off, with an undercover agent and a spy lady, to capture a core boat in the Nazi war effort.

This is "based on" Operation Postmaster. I'm willing to accept there was an Operation Postmaster, and it did involve dealing with the boat, but I doubt they were all as suave and unruffled as portrayed here. Although I do hope that Nazis were dealt to as much as they were here.

As everyone has British Stiff Upper Lip, there isn't much to distinguish Henry Cavill from Alan Ritchson from Babs Olusanmokun from Eiza Gonzalez aside from their physical appearances (because their personalities were pretty much interchangable. Indeed you could swap about Gus for Appleyard and I doubt anyone would notice). The sequences are well shot, the dialogue is fine, and Guy Ritchie is giving us a solid picture without being too exciting.

And Cary Elwes effortlessly dominates every scene he is in. Yay!

A decent watch, but not an amazing one.

[END]

Read more!

Fell Dude

This is a) a love letter to stunt men, b) based on a tv series, and c) has a completely irrelevant love plot. How much that matters is up to you. [I haven't seen the tv series, didn't even know it existed.]

Colt Seavers is a stunt man, which makes him an action hero. He stunts for Tom Ryder, and something happens to Tom while Colt's lasped girlfriend is now directing a new movie. Colt and Jody spend about ten minutes in their plot, but the focus of this movie is action sequences all over the place with lots of stunts that Colt does.

Which, of course, is a lot of stunts the stunt team is doing. I have no idea how much Ryan or Aaron did their own stunts, but you can't have a movie about stunts and not respect the stunt team. Indeed, at the end of the movie, over the credits, is a showing of the various stunt sequences and we see the stunt men doing their thing. In the movie itself, I don't believe that stunts are actually done in that way, so this is not a realistic portrayal of them.

Ryan and Emily are fine. I belive they can play a would be love pair in a movie. Aaron is there as well, but I don't really get much from him. If I've seen Hannah Waddingham in anything, I don't recall. As mentioned, this is "based" on the tv series featuring Lee Majors, and there is more than one reference to him during the movie.

So, go for the stunts, stay for the stunts, and there are some other things in there too.

[END]

Read more!

Deaded Freded

An older movie, but one I remember fondly. Especially the ending got to me. I meant to come back and rewatch it some time, and now I had cause to.

Lizzy is an adult woman (although barely) when her life falls apart, and she remembers a coping mechanism she had as a kid: an imaginary friend, one who stood by her, helped her enjoy life, and stood up to her mother for her, one Drop Dead Fred. And lo, Fred comes back into her life, and starts to wreck it in a way that he thinks is helping, and it sort of is... but it sort of isn't. Numerous social disasters happen, but Lizzy has Fred by her side, so what could go right?

Rik Mayall was looking for a project to get into the US market, and choose this... although the critics did not agree, and it didn't take off. But dammit, it's a great movie! Phoebe Cates is Lizzy and she portrays her disaster self well. We also get Carrie Fisher and Bridget Fonda, but the other main star is Marsha Mason as the Megabitch.

This is one heck of a heart warming story, because Fred always has her back. He might not be that helpful but he does support her, and that's not nothing.

In my opinion, in this world of the movie, Fred is real as there are several things that are only really explained by him having an independent existence... but the reading of him being nothing but Lizzy's Tyler Durden has a lot of merit. But hey, if Josh Baskin can become an adult, and ET can phone home, why not have real Imaginary Friends?

This has just come out as a School of Movies podcast, so you can hear them talk about this for two and a half hours! Get in!

[END]

Read more!

Squanch Sunset

This tripped two red flags, but I continued with watching this anyway.

Four sasquatches... sasquatchii?... are in the forest and living their lives... and this continues for just under 90 minutes. To say what happens gives it away because it is just them going on with things, and it's not like they are uncovering a great conspiracy or anything. Although there are revelations, but they mean more to the audience than the sasquatcharinos.

We get four actors, in heavily made up prosthetics, doing their thing, with fake penises for some of them on proud display. They do convey their emotions and thoughts well enough, but I have to admit I did get some of them confused as to who was who, but at least the movie knew. And they have "fun" excretions too... yay, I really needed that.

This is nicely shot in the forest. Plenty of animal shots too... although no rabbits, so points off for that. Everything is well designed, so I'm hoping it was an easy shoot for the actors.

Basically... if you enjoyed this, you can no longer complain about the Woolie segments of the Star Wars Holiday Special.

[END]

Read more!

Stickmen

This film... I was offered free tickets to see it when it came out, but I didn't take them up on the offer. Shame really.

We aren't talking deep plot here. A group of pool players, known as Stickmen, get involved in a pool tournament (as you do), but quickly get in over their heads. There are bad guys with toughs, and women to frazzle their minds, and at the end of the day, can they hold their sticks and play with their balls?

This is very much in the vein of Lock Stock, or Snatch, with dealing with the seedier side of life... although we are just talking pool here, not guns or heists or anything. But it is well told, and we get some character arcs. And no, I didn't at the time see the "twist" coming about Bastinados, but it's not like that's particularly hidden or anything.

Shot in Wellington, and there are definitely Wellington landmarks there. Aside from the Bucket Fountain, many of us remember Kenny's Cafe (no longer there, sadly). We also get some real NZ actors in there, although I can't recall them doing other big things, but definitely Kiwi on display there.

Now, trying to find a copy to watch is the real game to play now. It's not really anywhere. But if you can, you'll enjoy this!

[END]

Read more!

Movie Red Flags

There are three (that I can think of at the moment) aspects of movies that often point to the movie being not very good. Of course there are plenty of good movies that have these, and there are more than enough bad movies that don't have these. But if these are present, I am immediately suspect of it and more than likely going to reach for the fast forward button...

Multiple Studio Logos. This is easy to spot. If the first things you see are production company logos, and there are many of them... odds are, the producers had to go to a few places to get money, and none of the studios believed in the film enough to finance it fully.

Multiple Titles. Can be harder to spot without checking IMDB or similar. But when you see a film titled one thing, but the title that comes up on screen when you hit play is something else... I get concerned. Changing the title is either the producers can't decide... or they are changing it to try to appeal to other people (or make people mistake this for something they haven't heard bad things about). Either way, they aren't committing to their ideas.

Runtime between 60 and 90 minutes. And this can be seen before even pressing play! Can there be short movies? Of course! And I don't count documentaries here. But if the movie is just not quite long enough, then either the plot, what there is, is spread thin, or there just wasn't anything there to begin with. A lot of amateur films sit here, ones where you go "was this someone's student project?" Now, they made a movie, and I didn't, so they are already far ahead of me there. But that doesn't mean I have to like it, and if it isn't a full movie, and it isn't a tv episode, most likely they couldn't make it work.

No doubt you are thinking of counter examples, but I don't have infinite time, so I hit these flags, I start thinking of what else I could be doing.

[END]

Read more!

Rooope

Speaking of Alfred, this is one of those "I should watch" as well.

Can you get away with murder? Start with murdering someone, then host a party! Of course no-one will suspect, although you talk about superior people casually murdering inferior people... but you'd never get away with it... would you?

Alfred knows what he is doing, and this is a great film of a stage play (given the long takes and such, yeah, this was clearly a stage play). The two leads are great as "superior" people, slowly disintegrating, and Jimmy Stewart comes in as the pseudo-detective uncovering it all. There are plenty of others, but those are always the focus of the film.

And what great long takes they are! There are very clear moments where they cut (hello back of the actor), and there is suspicious amounts of non-eating of food to move things along, and the other actors need to rhubarb in the background, but Alfred pulls all of this together.

And undertones... well, overtones really. Two men together, committing murder, what connection connects them...?

Check this out from Matt Baume for a better expression of all this:

[END]

Read more!